Thursday, January 31, 2008

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

A few weeks ago, MM had a meeting for work on a Saturday morning, at about 7 a.m. He told me he'd be home about noon. That's all fine and well, but I had a day from hell. Our phones went out (We could only receive incoming calls, not make any outgoing), then the internet went down and my children became out of control wild banshees. Then I realized MM had taken my car and didn't leave me the keys to his (I later realized the spare sets were hidden, but didn't know that at first), which meant not only did I not have access to the outside world via phone or email (I get no cell phone service at home), but I couldn't leave the house, either (We live a good 3-5 miles from town, so walking was really out of the question). I was not happy.

About 1 O'clock I called him to see where he was. He answers the phone by saying, "I'm on my way there" but I heard all his little cop friends in the background, so I knew he was lying. I told him about my bad day and how irritated I was to be cut off from the outside world. He kind of laughed, in the uncomfortable way men have when they know they're in trouble, and said he'd see me in a bit.

About 20 minutes later he called back and said he was really on his way home. He told me where he was and that he'd see me soon. I hung up with him, then realized the town he said he was in was out of his way. There's only one reason MM would have to be in that town. In-N-Out Burger.

Now, the thing is, normally I wouldn't care if he decided to go to In-N-Out without me. I'm not that big on their food anyway. But I'd had the day from hell, was pissy as shit, and knew, KNEW, he was going without me and wasn't going to bring me anything back. I would have called him back to yell at him about it, but I wasn't walking two blocks down the street for my cell to work, and the home phone was jacked up.

Lucky for me, Isabel called to brag that her husband is so amazing he won the Pimp Voice Contest at work (she's so lucky, MY intended can't win any Pimp Voice Contests!). After the suitable number of wisecracks and proper faked awe at his accomplishment, I told her about my rotten day and how I was sure MM had gone to In-N-Out without me. She agreed that was wrong of him and we spent an equally suitable amount of time bashing him for it before we moved on to other things.

After a considerable amount of time (I was still talking to Izzy) MM finally called and said he was almost home. This was close to 3:30, IIRC. Yes, 3 freaking 30. When he said he'd be home at noon. Jerk. So he comes in, all lovey-dovey, and I said, "You went to In-N-Out, didn't you?" and he said, "NO!" and I said, "Don't lie, MM!" And he got this really, really guilty look on his face and said, in a very quiet voice, "We went to Sonic, instead. The line was too long at In-N-Out." Oh.Hell.No.

For those of you not in the know, Sonic is the BEST burger place..ever! Like, ever. They have the most amazing food. And they're an old-fashioned drive-up, where you pull up and park and then order and they bring the food to your car. WAY cool! About 3 months ago, we got a Sonic about an hour from our house. MM and I had only been there once since they opened, and he KNOWS how much I love their stuff. I asked him, "Did you bring me anything?" and he put his head in my lap and looked at me with sad puppy-dog eyes. "No." he said, still staring at me. I said, "Wait. You left me here all day by myself, with no phone, no internet and no car, and then you went to Sonic, my favorite place in the whole wide world, and you didn't bring me anything? Not a sip of a slushy? Not a single tater-tot? Not one bite of a Coney dog?" He rubbed my leg and continued to stare at me. "I love you" he finally said.

Jerk.

Then he tried to blame his brother-in-law, who'd been with him the whole day. He said, "It's not my fault! BIL wanted it, and he's the one that was buying!" I said, "Then you should have said no. Or you should have told him fine, but I have to bring back something for Holly. You both know how much I love Sonic!" He tried to protest again, but I wasn't having any of it. I told him he was wrong, and that was very naughty of him. He said he loved me again, but I told him he was a liar. If he really loved me, he'd have brought me something back.

Then I told him, in a very calm, clear voice, "You are never to have Sonic again."

Apparently I have more power than I ever imagined, because those would turn out to be famous last words.

You see, two days later MM called me at work and said, "You burned down the Sonic! What the fuck? You're the scariest bitch I've ever met!" Sure enough, I checked the news reports and Sonic burned down, not 10 hours after I cursed it and MM. The cause of the fire? A bin of dirty rags spontaneously combusted. Did you know that the chances of spontaneous combustion are something like 1 in 50 MILLION?

I'm so good like that. Or bad, depending on how you look at it.

Yes, my darling readers, I, Holly Mercer, cursed my local Sonic and caused it to burn to the ground. Well, technically MM caused it to burn, since he's the one that fucked up to begin with. But regardless, MM will never have Sonic again, just like I said.

I'm telling you, this is even better than the time I dressed The Girl's Ken Doll up like MM and poked it with a needle.

Are you scared yet? MM is.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Tick Tick Tick

That, my friends, is the sound of the clock ticking, bringing us closer and closer to the big day. EEK!

I've made a lot of progress with the wedding. My photographer bailed out 2 weeks ago, but I found a new one and I'm way excited about it. I also found a reception hall, dj, booked the caterer and basically did everything that needed to be done. The only major thing I have left to is mail the invitations. YAY! Oh, and guess what? I took my dress in for the first fitting and...

IT FIT!

WOOP WOOOP!

You have no idea how excited I was when the thing zipped up with no problems. I even cried a little. LOL

Anyway, Lori and Dev have both tagged me for things recently, but I'm barely holding my head above water right now, so I'll have to get to them later. Just want to give you all a quick update.

We're getting there....

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Why Having A Fabulous MOH is Key to Planning A Wedding...

I love my Evil Cousin. Seriously. I mean, I loved her before, but I love her even more right now. Why? Because she seriously kicks ass. She's really done a lot to help me the last few days. She's called all over hell and back to find me a place to do our reception that isn't going to cost an arm and a leg. She's checked out prices for flower arrangements, accessories I never would have thought of (like an envelope box for gift cards and such) and generally given me tons of moral support.

Love this girl.

So far I've gotten quite a few things done. More than I thought I would. I'm still waiting on contracts/menus from two possible reception venues, but I think I'm on track otherwise.

Let's see I:

1) Ordered the invitations, via overnight mail, so I'll have them by Monday at the latest.
2) Finished making reservations at the hotel for our Honeymoon Suite and gotten the group codes for our large booking party.
3) Made an appointment to begin alterations on my dress.
4) Made an appointment with the spa in our hotel for a pre-wedding hair day (I am NOT leaving my hair to chance, I want to go in early to try out styles, etc to make sure I get what I want)
5) Shopped online for shoes (I think I found the pair I want, but I need to double check that they have my size in stock)
6) Ordered the flowers for my bouquet and the boutonnieres/corsages.
7) Finalized the plans for our wedding cruise.
8) Contacted the caterer Re: appetizers and such for the cruise (Haven't finalized yet, but we're close)

I can't remember what else I've done, but things are progressing. Yes, they should have been done by now, but at least we're getting there.

Pray for me, will you, that the reception thing works out. I can't afford triple the original quote the rest. gave us (the final quote was TRIPLE..ugh) so we have to go somewhere else. I really, really need to get that worked out. Really.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Stress? I Eat Stress for Breakfast!


Guess what today is? Today, my darlings, is exactly 1 month and 3 weeks before my wedding. Yes, 1 month and 3 weeks. Give me a second to breathe into my paper bag.

Yes, I've officially lost it. I have no idea how this happened. You know how you understand a date in your head, but you don't really put that date into an exact timeframe? Well, that's what happened to me. I'm thinking, ok, we're getting married March 8th. It's January. That's three months.

But guess what? It's the END of January. Which means there are NOT three months until March. There's a month. ONE FREAKING MONTH.

Now, even that wouldn't have been such a big deal, but uh....I haven't done anything. Like...anything. I haven't booked the caterer, I haven't gotten my dress altered (you know the one that doesn't fit me anymore), I haven't done all the little things that need to be done (like buying under things for my dress, buying shoes - OMG, the SHOES! -, got napkins, centerpieces, etc), oh, and I haven't done some of the big things...like order my wedding invitations, or booked our honeymoon suite, or...well, anything.

*headesk*

How did this happen? In October, I was UBER organized. Like..UBER. I had everything under control. I was AHEAD of the game. Now? Uh..not so much.

*headesk*

AND THEN..

I called the restaurant yesterday, the one where we're having our reception dinner. The one I talked to MONTHS ago and got a price quote and made reservations. Yeah, that one. Guess what? The quote they gave us? Oh...yeah, it doubled. DOUBLED.

*headesk*

Would it be wrong of me to cry?

Just curious.

So, needless to say, I'm freaking out some now. I have people making plane reservations and hotel reservations and travel plans and guess what? I'm not even close to ready for them to do so.

Not.At.All.

I have no clue how I'm supposed to be a full time mother, and full time career woman, and plan an entire wedding (er..execute the plans for my wedding) in 6 weeks. No.Fucking.Clue.

Ok, rant over. Mostly. I'm going to crawl under my desk and cry now. I'm sure that will make me feel better...don't you think?

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Hello 2008

I can't believe another year has gone by. A lot happened for me in 2007. I started a new book blog, met some wonderful new friends, got engaged, moved in with the love of my life, watched my children grow and mature, and many other things. I also lost my will to blog. I don't know how or when it happened, but I just stopped wanting to write out my thoughts and adventures. Maybe I'll rectify that in the new year. Or maybe I'll end up closing it down. I guess time will tell.

In the meantime, I hope all of you have a wonderful New Year. Here's wishing you the best life had to offer.

Much love!

H

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