Friday, June 30, 2006

I Worry About MM Sometimes

We all have our little quirks. Things that may seem strange to others but make perfect sense to us. Take me for example: I hate cotton. Yes, cotton. As in, cotton balls. Pillow stuffing. *shudder* There's just something about the feel of cotton on my skin that gives me the heebie-geebies.

MM has little quirks, too. Some of them make me laugh, some make me shake my head in frustration and some make me question his sanity.

One of his biggest quirks is that he hates the Microsoft Word Office Assistant (I refer to him as the PaperClip Guy). This is a bone deep hatred that, I've pop psychoanalyzed myself, stems from serious childhood issues in which a giant PaperClip always corrected everything he said and did, thus causing him to have a complex. Yep, I'm good, huh? Go ahead and ask if you have issues, too. I'll bill you at the end of the month for my always accurate and invaluable diagnosis.

Anyway, he was doing something in Word the other day while I was on the phone with him. We were talking about his (then) upcoming trip to Montana when he, just out of the blue, said, "I hate that Word guy. He's so smug!"

I stayed really, really quiet. I didn't even breathe.

Unfortunately, that didn't stop him from continuing. *sigh*

MM: He just flips around there, thinking he knows everything. He's an idiot though.
Me: Honey, just because you can't spell, format a letter or string a sentence together properly is no reason to take it out on the cute PaperClip Guy.
MM: You think he's cute?
Me: Of course he is. He's all little and happy all the time. Duh.
MM: Whatever, he's an ass. He thinks he knows everything.
Me: Honey, he was designed to know everything.
MM: Great, now you're taking his side.
Me: I was just saying.
MM: *Gasp* (seriously, he gasped. He sounded just like the little schoolgirl I always accuse him of being) He just checked out my package!
Me: *silence* (I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole! The statement, not the package...what? It's true)
MM: Seriously. The little fucker looked right in my eyes, then down at my nuts, that back in my eyes. He's smug AND he's gay.
Me: Well, they are a nice set of nuts. Maybe he was jealous?
MM: *obviously not listening to me* He looked at my NUTS! My NUTS! Pervert!
Me: I think I need to go now. It's been real, but don't call me, I'll call you.
MM: I can't help it that the PaperClip Guy is gay, honey.
Me: Whatever.

Yes, Dear Readers, by boyfriend has issues. Once agan, I'm thinking this doesn't bode well for my future.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

I Feel So Bad...(and some news)

...for my Evil Cousin. Remember how I told y'all yesterday that she's expecting? And that in the past she had a lot of complications with pregnancy? And that she wanted to keep this one a secret just in case?

Well, the cat is out of the bag.

Apparently EC called one of my many aunts yesterday to ask her to keep her baby clothes (she has four boys) just in case. Well, the aunt put two and two together and told my other aunt, who's visiting her right now. The second aunt called one of my other aunts, who then told her husband, who called my other uncle and told him, who told my other cousin who put it on MySpace. DQ, a MySpace whore, saw it and called me. At about 4:30. All kinds of salty that she didn't know.


I played dumb, got her off the phone and called EC. I explained that someone, somewhere spilled the beans and she needed to do damage control. She burst out in tears. She was so upset! And I felt terrible (even though it wasn't me that told). After all she's been through, to have this out in the open...well, I feel terrible for her.

After she calmed down a bit she said, "I guess I better call Grandma and Grandpa so they don't hear about it from someone else. But shit, Holly, what if something goes wrong? They don't need the additional worry!" I agreed with her, but there isn't much to be done about it now.

Poor thing.

Extra prayers would be really nice from y'all, though. I'm sure it will help!

In Other News:

The A on my keyboard at home stopped working last night while I was typing up my I'm So Naughty blog. Jazz had to go in and fix it for me. I noticed this morning that she missed a few things, but I'm too lazy to go fix it. LOL

I really need to buy a new computer, but since I'm severely lacking in funds lately, it might be awhile. Unless I can find a used one fairly cheap. Maybe. In the meantime, I either won't be blogging from home much or y'all are going to have to suffer through posts with the A's missing. That actually might be kind of fun. My own little coding system here in Blogland. Think y'all could figure it out?

I haven't spoken to the Rat Bastard again about the kids schedule while they visit him. I'm just not up to dealing with him. And I don't want to be in the middle of that fight anymore. *sigh*

MM's mom invited me to come and stay with her a week from Saturday if I want some downtime at the beach. I thought that was very sweet of her and I think I'll take her up on the offer. She's pretty sweet, even if she does irritated the crap out of MM. LOL We'll see.

Hmm, I guess that's all for now. I may take a little hiatus from blogging until after my kids leave for SD. It will free up some time to spend with them and give me a minute to decide if I want to spend the money on a new computer. I'll keep you posted about that.

Hope everyone else is having a great day!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I'm So Naughty Sometimes....

Not like that, you sickos. Get your minds out of the gutter! Sheesh.

Anyway, I like to torment my friends sometimes. I'm not sure exactly what this says about me, but hearing their little squeals when they're freaked out about something just cracks me up.

Take Dylan for instance. She hates bloody, gory stuff. Like a cut on your finger. If it's showing blood or has scabbed over, she thinks it's disgusting. So I'll tease her.

Me: OMG. I have this huge cut on my finger. It's bleeding everywhere.
Dee: Shut up, Holly.
Me: It's oozing all over the place.
Dee: Dammit Holly, shut up!
Me: Ewww, there's skin hanging off of it.
Dee: *gagging sound* KNOCK IT OFF!

*snicker* Yes, I know it's evil, but it's also funny as all hell.

So, as usual, Jazz called me tonight when she got off of work. We talk on the phone at least twice a day. Funny, isn't it, that I talk to her on the phone for no less than 2 hours a day, but I've never met her? Ahh, the Internet is grand, indeed.

Anyway, we're chatting about this, that and the other thing and she says she'll have to call me back in a little bit, because she's going to tan so she can get rid of her tan lines for her BFF's wedding (she's the maid-of-honor and has to wear a strapless dress). I say fine, hang up, and go back to reading my book.

She calls me back afterwards and we're chatting about nothing again when she blurts out, "I know it's stupid, but my insides feel all queasy now that I tanned. You know, because of that girl that cooked her insides because she went tanning like 5 times a day?" The following conversation ensued:

Me: You know that's not true, right?
Jazz: Yes it is. She tanned like 5 times a day.
Me: No, it's not. It's Urban Legend.
Jazz: Nuh-uh. It happened. I know it.
Me: No it didn't. That's one of those things, like he said she said. Someone you know knows someone who knew that girl. Or someone you know knows someone who knows someone who red it in the paper. Like that.
Jazz: No! It happened.
Me: It's an Urban Legend, just like the other ones. You know, like the guy hiding in your back seat.
Jazz: Shut up, you know I'm driving, right?
Me: Yeah, except that one is real. *evil laugh*
Jazz: *screams* (she really screamed out loud, people) STOP IT. YOU'RE FREKING ME OUT!
Me: *snicker*
Jazz: Or how bout the leprechaun that hides under your car and slices your ankles with a razor blade?
Me: Exactly.
Jazz: Shut up. You're freaking me out now. I don't even want to get out of my car.
Me: *grinning evilly as I hear her get out of the car* Or what bout the guy that hides in the shadows to get you when you're walking to your front door.
Jazz: Holly, stop it! You're freaking me out! I hate living on the corner, because there's bushes and someone could be hiding round the corner to get me!
Me: You know, that's where they always are. Hiding around the corner and in bushes.
Jazz: SHUT UP! OMG! I have to go for walk now, I cant even go home!
Me: Oh, like that's safer. Just go inside.
Jazz: Fine. But if I die on the way in, it's all your fault.

It was funny as all hell, because she was really freaked out. Tee Hee. I'm so mean, I know. But I just cant seem to help myself.

So, tell me. What re your fears and phobias? I promise to keep them secret...


All By Myself....

Starting next week, I'll be all alone. MM left yesterday for his two week vacation in Montana, something he's had planned for over a year. His dad is retiring there, so MM is helping him move and then attending his best friend's wedding. I'll miss him. *sniffle*

On Tuesday, the 4th, my parents are taking my children to Vegas for the night and then they're flying out Wednesday morning to South Dakota for a week. My parents will be attending my dad's 25th High School Reunion. I find it hilarious that my big, goofball dad was the Homecoming King, Star Football Player and all around Big Man on Campus when he was in High School. I know y'all haven't met him, but you'd be just as puzzled by this as I am if you had. He's just a big goober.

The kids are going to see the Rat Bastard. I'm unhappy on two accounts about this. First, they're seeing the Rat Bastard and I'll have a good month of rotten, terrible behavior from them afterwards. Second, I'm going to miss them. A week isn't that long, especially compared to the month they were gone last time, but since I won't have MM or my parents here to distract me, it's going to hard. *sigh*

Y'all better be around A LOT next week to keep me distracted. I'm thinking I might head down to the beach next weekend. A quick little getaway might be just what I need to get out of this crazy funk I'm in lately.

Talking in Code

Remember me telling you about my Evil Cousin? Well, when we were little, about 4 and 6, I think, we started talking in code. Unlike a lot of other little girls, we didn't make up words or try Pig Latin or whatever. Instead, we paid really close attention to what the other was saying (we used to practice this for HOURS ON END) and read between the lines. We weren't very sucessful in the beginning, but as time has passed, we've gotten better and better at it.

Yesterday, I was on my way home and my cell phone rang. Seeing it was The Evil Cousin, I answered.

Me: Hello
EC: I've always liked the name Shamus.
Me: Uh huh, me too.
EC: But Oscar says with our last name it won't work. If we had a name like O'Toole, Shamus would be a great first name, but he says it doesn't flow right with our last name.
Me: Me and DW carpooled today. We're on our way home now.
EC: Oh, huh. Well, you understand what I'm saying, right?
Me: Yep, I sure do. And you're a hooker.
EC: Don't tell, ok? It's a secret.
Me: That's so wrong.
EC: I know, but you love me.
Me: Want me to put you on speaker phone so you can repeat that?
EC: Nah, I'll let you translate.
Me: To DW?
EC: Yes, but it's a secret.
Me: Hmm, ok. Is translating a good idea?
EC: Meh. Do what you want. So, I'll probably be picking the name, because my husband leaves in September.
Me: That's scary.
EC: Yes, I know. But I have to have the name picked by Febuary 24th.
Me: I hate you.
EC: No you don't, you love me.
Me: Whatever.
EC: I'm thinking June this time.
Me: And?
EC: You'll have to be here.
Me: Hmmm.
EC: Yeah, yeah. Sorry about that.
Me: That's what I thought.
EC: Shut up and say yes already.
Me: Duh.
EC: Ok, love you.
Me: Love you, too.
EC: Two months.
Me: *sigh* Ok, fine. But you owe me.
EC: Not anymore I don't.
Me: *slight pause* Ok. I guess.
EC: See you.
Me: Later.

Translation: She's pregnant, due in Feb., wants a boy and I should keep this a secret. I can tell DW if I want, as long as I assure her it's a secret so no one else knows. She wants me to be the Godmother this time (I act all salty all the time that she didn't ask me with her daughter) and the baptisim will be in June. She also wants me to be her birthing coach again, since her hubby will be deployed, and the classes start in two months. She doesn't owe me either, because she's making me Godmother. I agreed. LOL

Interesting, no? We do this all the time. DW says she hates being around us, because no one but us knows what we're saying to each other. I have to tell you, though, it's really nice to know that she knows me as well as she does and vice verse.

Anyway, here's some history for you, so you understand how important this is to my cousin.

For about five years she struggled to get pregnant. She had all kinds of complications and issues, but finally managed to carry to term last year and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in June of 2005.

Her husband is a Marine, and was deployed during her pregnancy. When she went into labor, he was in Japan and since the baby was more than 2 months early, he flew home to be with both my cousin and the baby. After a month in the hospital, baby came home and she's the light of my life now. She's so damn cute and sweet! It's awesome.

Anyway, Oscar (the hubby) got back from deployment in Febuary of this year and my cousin told me she was going to be pregnant before he left again in September. I had full faith in her, too. But last week when she was here visiting, she said she didn't think it would happen, because so far, nothing. She was really bummed, too.

Pretty cool, isn't it? Everyone say a little prayer for her and keep your fingers crossed that she doesn't have any complications, ok?

I'm going to be an aunt again! Isn't that exciting?

Monday, June 26, 2006

And He's BACK!

Yep, the Rat Bastard has officially returned. I as getting really nervous there for awhile, because he was acting verra, verra strange. First he offered me money, and then he took my side against his family, but today he showed his true form again, and all is right in my world.

I always get very nervous when he's nice to me, because it means he wants something. Sad, isn't it, that I have to be suspicious of someone being nice?

Apparently he called twice last night and twice this morning to speak with the kids, but we didn't answer, so he called this morning screaming at me about how I'm always telling him he doesn't call enough and then I won't answer his calls. Like it's deliberate? Puhleez! There have been a couple times in the past when I lied and said they weren't available, but that was to spare THEM, not myself. If they're feeling really emotionally fragile, I feel like it's my job to shield them from more hurt. Isn't it?

Anyway, then I had to break the news to him that when they go back to see him next week (they're leaving on the 5th of July and coming back the 12th) my parents want to keep them until Friday morning, because my Grandma (my dad's mom) planned a family reunion that Thursday and really wants my kids to go. Well, the RB was none too happy about that (he'd planned to pick them up from the airport on Wednesday). He started yelling at me about how he took the entire week off of work to spend it with them and it's bullshit that he'll only see them for a few days and blah, blah, blah. I find it funny that he couldn't afford to see them twice, and only spent about 2 days with them the last time they visited him (when they went for a MONTH), but he's suddenly all kinds of pissed off that my parents want to keep them for a day.

I know it's because it's MY family and because he's mad at me right now because he hasn't been able to talk to the kids. Grrr.

Sometimes I just hate the RB. *sigh*

A Letter To Google/Gmail

Dear Gmail,

Why do you keep giving me an error code when I try to send mail from you? Haven't I been a loyal, trustworthy friend to you all these long months? I stuck it out through the big scare earlier this year when everyone thought you were going to crash. I've repeatedly pimped you to my friends and family. I've taken good care of you and played with you every single day. Sometimes all day long.

Why do you continue to torture me, even after all I've done for you? Isn't the way between friends to take care of one another when they're in need? I'm definitely in need today, so why are you being mean to me? While I'm generally a rather passive, sweet, loving person, my patience is nearly at an end.

I swear by all that's holy, if you give me that Error Code 704 one more time, I can't be held responsible for my actions.

As my very good friends over at SF can attest, I'm not much fun when I'm pissed off. How bout you stop giving me that stupid ass error code and I'll promise not to go medieval on your ass. Deal?


All my love,


Another Migraine Today

I'm too busy to be sick, but my body doesn't seem to understand that. I started getting this Migraine last night and it's only gotten worse as the morning has progressed.

You know, for someone who suffers from Migraines as well, Cookie isn't very considerate. She's been yelling into the phone, hollaring at my boss when he has a call, and trying to transfer every Tom, Dick and Harry to me. You'd think she'd know better, wouldn't you?

Will someone PLEASE shoot me in the head and put me out of my misery? I'd thank you forever, really!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Continued: Goin' To The Chapel

..and we're gonna get married. Goin' to the Chapel of Love.

To be continued.....

Alright, I'm back. Sheesh. Y'all are really freaked out about this, eh? LOL

Well, you see, it all started with a dream.

On Thursday night MM and I went to Wal-Mart and the had dinner at Applebees. I had one of those HUGE Red Apple Sangria's (have you had one of those yet? If not, get thee to Applebees and's soooo good!) and I was feeling a little loopy by the time we got home (what, it was STRONG, I swear).

MM wanted to watch a movie, but I was just ready for bed. He kind of rolled his eyes, but agreed to going to bed with me, instead of watching American Wedding (My Favorite Marine said it was really funny and I needed to watch it...I'm not convinced!).

Well, we go to bed and well....anyway, later we're all curled up together, and I'm just about asleep. You know that stage where you're not quite asleep by not awake either? Yep, I was there. So I'm sort of floating in dreamland and MM says, "Will you marry me?" I said, "Uh-huh. Sure honey, someday." and then I fell asleep.

Whilst sleeping, I had this dream. MM woke me up and tugged me into the living room, where he had flowers and candles on every available surface. Then he pulled me down onto the couch and asked me to marry him. You should have seen this ring. HOLY COW! It was huge!

Anyway, even in my dream - while tearing up and feeling happy - I told him that yes, I would marry him...someday. Then my dream shifted, and I was standing on a cliff overlooking the ocean, wearing a white dress (I absolutely REFUSE to admit that it was a wedding dress. I mean, really, some other dresses are white, aren't they? Yeah, that's what I thought) and I was holding a bouquet of Lily's and there were sweet little girls running around in white frilly dresses with butterfly wings on their backs (no comments now!).

That's all I remember from my dream. But when I woke up yesterday morning, I told MM about it and he said, "I really did ask you to marry me last night." Well, huh.

I kind of joked with him about it for a minute and left it at that. Strange, no? Although I'd be willing to bet that his sudden desire to marry me had something to do with...well, I'm sure if you use your imaginations you'll see what I mean.

When Isabel can't sleep, she does this to her husband. The Devil Woman says MM was taking a page from Izzy's book and using subliminal messaging on me, to soften me up for the real proposal. Then she said she was going to help him out by buying him a Barbie that looks like me so he can slip a ring on it from time to time.

Will I ever get married again? Well, I suppose I can't say never...but I am saying not for at least ten years. Anyone want to take bets on whether or not I'm right?

I still say this is all a big conspiracy, though.

Friday, June 23, 2006

My Baby Brother is Gonna Be Famous....

...someday. I've known this since he was three and climbed behind my dad's drum set and picked up the stix.

When he was in grade school he started teaching himself to play the guitar. My uncle (who is also a musician) convinced him he needed to learn to read music, so when he was a freshmen in high school (that's 9th year, for my Aussie friends..well, sort of friends, since I'm still all KINDS of salty about THIS!) he took an intermediate guitar class to learn. Only by the second week, and unbeknownst to our family, my brother had surpassed the entire class and his teacher started teaching him piano, just so he wouldn't be bored while she taught the rest of the class.

He started playing with the Jazz band after that, and the marching band. Then he joined the Groove Band. Have you ever heard of Groove before? It's so amazing to watch. Basically they take garbage cans and silverware and boxes and brooms and make music with it. I have never in my life seen anything as amazing as them playing garbage cans on stage. It's...awe inspiring.

As his high school years progressed, he started a garage band with some of his friends and started booking shows. They had t-shirts made up and sold tickets and even tried to record a demo. Unfortunately, when high school ended, so did the band.

Before I continue, let me tell you a quick story:

Shortly after I moved here to California, my brother called me to let me know he had a school music concert and asked if I'd come watch him (he's quite the ham and loves to have us watch him play). I immediately agreed, because I love watching him. He's amazing.

Anyway, I get there and take my seat towards the front and wait for the who to begin. Eventually all of the students came out on stage, where they had more than 20 instruments set up (everything from a baby-grand piano to a xylophone). All of the students moved to stand behind their respective instruments and my brother picked up a bass guitar. I watched, with tears of pride in my eyes, as he started to play. Only, half way through the song, he set the bass guitar down, walked across the stage, and picked up an electric guitar. For the next song, he put the electric guitar down and picked up a flute. Then he played the xylophone. And on and on it went, until he'd played all but the piano and saxophone. The song ended and the crowd jumped to it's feet (led my none other than me, of course) and started chanting my brother's name. I was so proud!

Then the lights dimmed and the stage became pitch black. Since this was a multi-school concert, we all assumed another band (from another school) was setting up the stage for their performance. After a few minutes the curtain raised and with the stage still pitch black, the first few strands of Mozart's Requiem wafted out over the audience. Because this is one of my favorite pieces, and because it was being played so well, I tipped my head back and closed my eyes and let the music wash over me. It was because of this that I almost missed seeing who the pianist was.

To my surprise, it was none other than my baby brother. I didn't even know (at that point) that he could play the piano, much less with the talent and skill that was being exhibited. It was awesome!

Then they moved on to the Groove portion of the concert. I wish I'd taken a video of it so you could see, but gosh, I still get chills thinking about it. They had the garbage cans (plastic ones) and they were moving so fast and the sound..Well, I just can't describe it. Suffice it to say it was one of the most memorable concerts I've ever been to.

Anyway, after that he started playing the drums full time. He told me once, "I want to be a drummer, Sister. I will be a drummer, watch and see." I watched and I saw.

A year ago he left home for the first time and went to university in Utah. While he was there, he hooked up with some friends from his dorm and through them, met a bad called Larusso. It just so happened that they were looking for a drummer, so he auditioned with them and was immediately accepted. He's been playing with them ever since.

Now, the school he goes to is a four year Bachelor school condensed into a two year program. That means that in two years he'll have a four year degree. Only the best students get accepted. It does my heart good to know my brother was one of them. Anyway, because of the nature of the program, they only get two six week breaks a year, rather than a full summer break like other colleges. Every other time he's come home for the summer session, but this year, he decided to tour with his band. Yep, he's touring. Isn't that great?

They started out in Provo, Utah where they played at Muse Music, a record store that also promotes local bands. They had a great time (according to my brother) and even did the "just starting out" band thing and slept in their van in the parking lot. They made enough money that night, however, to stay in a motel in Flagstaff, AZ, their next stop. They played a show their, then moved on to Bakersfield, CA and now they're here where they're playing two shows over the weekend before heading back to Utah.

I just can't express how proud I am of him. He's pursuing his dream - living a life as a musician - while still attaining a degree he'll forever be able to fall back on. I just know that someday, he'll be famous. Ten years from now one of his Rabid Fans with do a google search and find this blog, and People magazine with do a cover story featuring him and his start in the music world. I, for one, can't wait to read it.

Go give him a shout out on MySpace, or send them an email telling them you support them. They deserve it.

You can order their latest album here. People, my brother has an ALBUM! Go forth and order it.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

A Sure-Fire Cure for The Blues

Well, there's more than one, really.

Yesterday I was suffering from a case of Les Blahs. I was in a funk and didn't feel like I could pull myself out of it.

And then I went blog surfing.

Is there anything better than finding an amazingly funny post when you're kind of grumpy and blue? I don't think so. It all started at Dear Author. Jane had posted this and the first paragraph just had me rollin'.

I bought this book on the day that Cobblestone Press opened. I bought it because of the cover and because firefighters are hot, hot, hot. What could be better than a hot story about a hot fireman? Other than the obvious of the two hot fireman in a hot story or perhaps two hot aliens with four dicks. (God, Bam, that is the funniest review ever).

Of course, I had to follow the link to the four dicks to see what was up and dayum, Bam had me laughing so hard I could barely breathe! So, not one to keep a good joke (or funny review) to myself, I called Dylan and read it to her, but I was laughing so hard I could barely talk. Then I got a wonderful email from Mailyn and sent her the link. We laughed via email for ages over it! Freakin' Bam. *snicker*

By the way, Sobehk has two penises. TWO. One on top of the other. That means anal for Fallon. Each and every time. Make of that what you will.

OMG! Make of that what you will. HAHAHAHA

Also, Khan is a sadistic bastard who keeps threatening to beat Fallon and I know this is sick, but I found it kind of hot. I mean, not that I want some gigantic Legolas-looking fucker to beat me or anything, but I don’t know… Shut up.

Too funny.

So, anyway, after Mailyn and I shared some other links from Bam's Site with each other and DW, Cookie and my boss kept giving me strange looks for snorting at my desk, I headed out to pick up my kids and they'd each drawn me a sweet picture and they both gave me kisses as soon as they got in the car, something they don't do very often.

Then MM surprised me by coming over and bringing dinner with him, something he rarely does. It was sweet.

Then I did a re-read of Hannah Howell's Highland Bride and it was just the icing on the cake. The last thing I needed to pull me out of my bad mood.

Thanks to everyone for your well wishes yesterday and thanks to Jane and Bam for the laughs.

Oh, and before I forget (again) I want to give a public thanks to Jane and Sybil for helping me with my sidebars and some of my other template changes. Y'all rock. Between you two and Mailyn, I have the best blog EVAH.


Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I'm So Tired of Being Tired!

**This is another one of my self-pitying rants. If you don't want to know, don't read it. I'll probably be back later or tomorrow with something more fun. But I just don't have the energy right now.**

I honestly have no idea what's wrong with me. I'm so exhausted all the time. I'm not sleeping well, I'm drinking way too much coffee, I don't have the energy to play with my kids or cook dinner (we've been doing Mac-N-Cheese and hot dogs or PB&J for a week now). I don't want to read, or write, or play on the computer.

I don't want to work. I've been slacking and you can tell. I just want to lay down and go to sleep.

It may have something to do with the fact that I'm broker than broke and have a pile of bills I have to pay and can't. Or that I'm still kind of salty with MM over the way he treated me at his dad's retirement party (mostly because he keeps bringing it up). Or it could be that my children are getting read to go visit the Rat Bastard and have already started acting up.

It's always a struggle for me two weeks before they leave to see him and at least a month after they get home, because knowing they're going to visit him, and being around him after they go, turns them into wild banshees who are emotionally messed up and needy.

I was outside hanging laundry on the clothesline the other night (something I had to FORCE myself to do, because we were out of clean underwear and sheets, even though I really, really didn't have the energy) and Little Man followed me out. I have four clotheslines and I was in between them, hanging clothes on the third one and it was dark out, and Little Man says, "Mom? MOM!?!" like he's in a panic. I said, "What, baby?" Thinking he'd seen a shadow or a bug or something and he says, "Oh, I didn't think you were here." We were in our OWN BACKYARD! He's totally comfortable there, but he was freaked out that he thought I'd gone inside.

When I was finished hanging the laundry, we went back inside and The Girl was in the living room, curled up on the couch sobbing. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "I thought you'd left me". She NEVER does that. As a matter of fact, she constantly begs me to leave her alone, claiming she's old enough to take care of herself (even though I heartily disagree. 9 is NOT old enough to be left alone, IMO).

Plus, for the last week or so, they've both been following me around like they're puppy dogs. If I go in the kitchen to get a drink, they follow. If I'm in the living room reading they sit down in there with me, if I'm folding laundry in my room they sit on my bed. And they've been fighting non-stop with each other and with me. They've been really destructive, too. Breaking apart pillows and tearing their bedrooms apart and just in general being two totally different children than the ones I've been raising. It hurts me so much to know the RB is the cause of this.

Even my dog is acting out, chewing up my shoes and peeing on the carpet, something she hasn't done since she was four months old (she's almost a year now). She follows me around, too, only she's worse than the kids, because she has to be right under my feet. For example: If I'm in the kitchen cooking, and I'm at the stove, she lays at my feet, and then if I walk over to the sink, she follows me and lays at my feet, and if I walk to the fridge she follows and lays at my feet. This goes on and on and on. I'm not sure if it's because she senses my discord right now, or if it has something to do with her, but it's driving me mad.

I'm supposed to be flying my cousin out here for the summer to nanny for me, because I can't afford the local daycare, but I don't have the money for her plane ticket right now.

I need a vacation. And a second job. And a lot of really, really good sex. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like any of those are attainable at the moment, except maybe the second job.


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Hottie Post

I'm bored and feeling very un-creative at the moment, so rather than giving myself a headache trying to come up with something interesting to blog about, I'm just going to do a hottie post. I figured you ladies would appreciate it. If any men read my blog, you may want to skip this, unless you prefer men, in which case, enjoy.

Of course, we have to add at least one fireman

I STILL think Ty is hot, I don't care what you say. LOL

Mmm, Josh Lucas. For me, It's all about the eyes!

Viggo is good, too, no?

Personally, I'm a boxer-briefs kind of girl, what about you?

Alright, I guess I'm done for now. I COULD keep going on and on and on and on, but I don't want to bore you ladies, so I'll just bow out gracefully now.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Monday, June 19, 2006

A Day At The Beach

We went to Oceanside Harbor on Saturday to spend the day at the beach. I love the beach. To me, there's nothing more peaceful than standing in the surf, letting the waves crash over your legs as your feet sink into the sand and you see the majesty God created. It reminds me that there is so much more out there than just me and my world, and it never fails to humble me.

We left fairly early in the morning and drove down, then set up camp in our favorite spot. We layed in the sand and read books, played in the waves when we got hot, ate a picnic lunch and just relaxed. I didn't realize how much my soul was craving the ocean until we got there.

My Favorite Marine met us there (he's stationed not too far from the beach we frequent) and he played with the kids, tackling them in the sand. Not for the first time, he threatened to throw me in the water (after I'd changed out of my bathing suit, of course) because I was teasing him about going bald (he's only 23, but the poor boy just keeps losing more and more hair...*snicker*).

My sister and I goofed around together, and then she chased me around the beach when she saw some of the not very flattering pictures I took of her (the ones I refused to delete in case I need them later to blackmail her).

The kids had a fabulous time, too. The Girl brought one of her little friends with and they didn't come out of the water once until dark. Little Man doesn't like to get his head wet, so he played in the sand, trying to dig his way to China to get me and his Auntie egg rolls. He came pretty close, too.

The sun was warm and there was a slight breeze blowing in off of the water, so it never got too hot. It was pretty clear in the morning, but it became kind of overcast in the evening.

Then yesterday we went to my parents house and BBQ'd for Father's Day. Nothing too exciting, we just ate some good grub, relaxed and played horse shoes. My dad was in his element, talking with my grandparents and next door neighbors.

All in all, it was a nice, relaxing weekend. Now I just need another 2 days off to clean my house and catch up on my laundry. I can wait, though.

Hope everyone else had a great weekend!

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Happy Fathers Day, Dad

For my dad, whose stood beside me and supported me when I needed him to. The man who has offered invaluable advice when I needed it, a firm rap on the ass when it was called for, and more love than any girl could have wished for.


You mumble a lot. You grumble all the time. You bitch and moan and complain and, in general, make me wonder if the world isn't on it's way to hell in a handbasket after all.

You make it seem like an imposition when I ask you to do things and seem terribly put out when my children climb into your lap. You're too loud by half and have the oddest sense of humor of anyone I've ever met.

You watch entirely too much T.V., and have a terrible habit of being lazy. I don't think God gave you us wonderful children so that we could turn the volume on the T.V. up for you when you lose the remote. Really, I don't think that's what he had in mind.

You have a terrible habit of walking away when I'm right in the middle of a sentence or a story, or ignoring me entirely when I'm trying to speak to you. You often say, "Huh?" even though I know you heard what I said the first time.

You pick your nose in public, suspiciously more often when my friends are present. You like to hear yourself talk and tend to repeat the same stories over and over again. And just so you know, despite what you thought in your rather mispent youth, Mars is NOT green.

Despite your many transgressions, however, you are my father and I love you. Thank you for standing up for me when I needed it (I don't think that boy will ever recover from being thrown on the hood of your car), yelling at me when you thought I needed it (though I'm quite sure I'm half deaf in one ear now), comforting me when I need it (next time, however, a nice pat on the hand will suffice. It's much more effective than a gruff, "Get over it", truly) and loving me (admit it, you know you do..I'm the bestest daughter you could ever have wished for, despite what my sister says).

I wouldn't have survived my teenage years without you. Probably.

All my love, and then some (no sappy tears now, or mom will say you've turned soft),

Your Loving favorite Daughter

Thursday, June 15, 2006

A Call For Help

I saw this on Teena's blog and thought it was such an amazing idea I'm posting it here as well.

September 11, 2006 will mark the 5-year anniversary of the attacks that killed 2,996 innocent people.

D. Challenger Roe would like 2,995 blogging volunteers to help him with a tribute to the victims of 9/11. If you’d like to participate, you’ll be assigned the name of someone who was killed on September 11, 2001. Then on September 11, 2006, you’ll post your own tribute to that person. It can be anything you want it to be ... a photo tribute, an essay, a remembrance, a poem … it’s up to you, but he's asking that you please make it a tribute to their life, not their death. Then link back to a page he will create which will give the names of all 2,996 victims and links to the blogs that will remember them that day.

See Teena's original blog here.

Sign up with D. Challenger Roe here.

If nothing else, please take a moment to remember.

Tales of the Devil Woman: Episode 15

As those of you who are mothers know, it's up to us to teach our children how to grow up and be responsible, caring, well behaved teenagers and adults. Every day we take on the arduous challenge of teaching our children manners, life lessons and morals. We fight with them. We comfort them. We teach them how to clean themselves and care for themselves.

Oh, how many times I've silently prayed that I was doing well, or wished I had a manual that would give me step-by-step instructions for raising strong, wonderful children, who have compassion, strength and character. I've also prayed for them to be well behaved.

The Devil Woman, however, has taken parenting to a whole new level. Yes, Dear Readers, she's moved from teaching us children moral lessons and daily actions to teaching her dogs. Yes, her dogs.

Now, we all know it's our responsibility as pet owners to train our dogs and teach them tricks, when possible. But DW is the only woman I know who takes pet training to the next level...leading by example.

Almost a year ago, DW and I heard about a woman who was giving away puppies for the cost of their first set of shots. Since we were both interested in having a pet - me for my children and her to fill the void left by her now empty nest - we called the woman and made an appointment to see her. We both decided to accept a puppy and she took a male while I took a female. To sum that up for you, her dog and my dog are brother and sister. She named her dog Luke, after the movie Cool Hand Luke, so that when she was training him she could say, "Now what we have here is a failure to communicate." Uh-huh, she has issues.

Now, as any responsible pet owner knows, you have to start training your new puppy as soon as possible after purchasing them. But the training DW gave her dog? Well, let's just say it was a bit...unconventional.

About six months ago Cookie and I are outside with DW and she's complaining about how her dog has been digging all kinds of holes all over the yard (something my dog does as well). She was bitching and moaning about it for a good ten minutes and then she she brightened up and said, "I know how to fix this." Cookie and I exchanged a look and didn't ask any questions. From past experience, we knew better.

So, a few days later DW comes in and is just happy as a clam, because she'd taught her dog where it was ok to dig in the yard. How did she do that? Well, she showed him, of course.

I mean, literally showed him.

She took him out into the back yard, made him follow her over to where she wanted him to dig, and then dug a hole herself. With her hands. Like they were paws.

*pause for laughter to die down*

Then she placed a bone in the hole and proceeded to cover it up. With her hands. Like they were paws.

*another pause for laughter*

All the while talking to him in a sweet, soothing tone of voice one might use when trying to teach a toddler how to stack blocks on top of each other. *stares*

But wait, it gets better...

A few months later, my dad and son took said dog to the vet. While they were there a woman came in with a fairly large puppy and my dad remarked that he was a beautiful dog, to which the woman replied, "Well, do you want him?" Turns out she was serious and my dad and my son called and sweet talked my mom into letting them bring it home. This time, my dad picked out the name. He went with Buckskin Joe. Then he said they needed to get a female dog and name her Texas, so that he could said, Luke n Buck Texas (Luckenbach, Texas). They're perfect for each other, aren't they? (Isn't he just the cutest thing ever?? The dog, I mean. I had to clarify that, because when I let the Devil Woman read this she got all irritated. "Why is he the cutest thing ever and I'm The Devil Woman? You're such a daddy's girl!" I said, "Ma, I was talkin' about the dog." She shut up real quick, but I couldn't stop laughing).

Before you ask, yes, she taught him to dig, too. The dog, I mean, not my dad.

Anyway, DW comes in to work the other day and she's telling me and Cookie how she bought this little plastic pool for the dogs because it gets really hot here in the summer. Do you see where this is going? Yup, she had to teach them how to swim.

So she climbed into the pool and laid down and moved around. Then got up and walked around and then cajoled the dogs in with her. She splashed water on them and got down on her knees like she was a dog and, well, showed them how to swim. In a little plastic kiddy pool in her back yard. Where the neighbors could see.

You have no idea how bad I'm regretting moving so close to her. In such a small town.

Instead of the crazy Cat Lady mother, I got the crazy Dog Lady mother.

Lucky me.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Torturing MM is Fun....

I have the best friends in the entire world. Seriously. They support me when I need it, make me laugh when I'm feeling down, and offer to bring out the baseball bats and garbage bags when someone does something to piss me off. It's fabulous. Knowing I have their support makes all the difference in the world to me. I'm not sure I ever would have survived my divorice and various other trials in my life without them.

Of course, I return the favor. Our family motto is Cement Shoes Come In All Sizes, so I'm constantly offering cement shoes when a friend has need. I also offer voodoo dolls. I have no idea how or when this started, but the girls (well, ok, it's usually Dylan) call me and say they need a doll for so and so and I tell them I'm on it.

About a month ago, Dylan called me all kinds of upset because she was watching the Lakers/Suns game and the Lakers were losing. I just happened to be at MM's when she called. She said it was all Steve Nash's fault and asked if I'd make a doll for him. She told me what he looked like and that she didn't want him permanently injured or anything, but she didn't want him to be able to win the next game. She wanted me to make him clumsy or something. I assured her I would handle it the next and signed off with her.

Later that night, MM and I are laying in bed and I gasped and said, "Crap, don't let me forget to get a doll tomorrow, ok?" There was silence on the other side of the bed for a few second and then, "Do I want to know?" I said, all casual like, "Oh, I need to make a voodoo doll for Dee tomorrow. Don't let me forget, ok?" Again, silence. And then, "You are such a freak. What the hell did I get myself into? I have to deal with the Devil Woman, the Calihoes and Cookie and if that isn't bad enough, you kidnap frogs and ransom them and now you're making voodoo dolls. You're crazy, honey." I was quiet for a minute and then I said, "If your leg starts hurting tomorrow, don't look at me." He didn't say anything after that, but for the next few days he kept giving me wary looks. Smart man.

Yesterday in my Manic Monday blog I mentioned briefly how MM ingorned me and didn't introduce me to anyone at his dad's retirement party on Sunday. So when we got home that night, the first thing I did was get The Girl's Ken doll from her room and set it on my dresser, right in front of MM. I got a needle out of the bathroom and put that next to it, and then I went back in The Girl's room and started looking around for Ken's blue shirt (MM had a blue t-shirt on). MM said, "Honey, what are you doing?" I replied, with an innocent expression, "Well, he has to look like you, but I can't find his blue t-shirt." He didn't say anything, but he did get really pale.

Ok, so last night, I'm at home reading a book and MM calls me. He sounded hesitant on the phone, like he wanted to talk to me about something but wasn't sure how. I asked him if everything was alright and he said yes. I asked him again a bit later and again, he said yes, so I moved on and started telling him about my day. He's kind of making these noises, like he's listening but has something on his mind, but I didn't really think much of it, just figured he was busy with work or whatever.

I'm right in the middle of a sentence and he blurts out, all fast, "My leg hurts." I said, "Aww, poor baby. I hope you're ok" and then just kept on going with my story. He waits another second or two and then says, "What did you do with that Ken doll? Dammit, I told you I was sorry." *snicker*

I have a feeling that in the future, MM will be very careful how he acts around me. What do y'all think?

As for what I did with the Ken doll...well, a girl has to have some secrets, right?

*evil laugh*

Fun with The Rat Bastard's Family

The Rat Bastard's neice, My Favorite Marine's baby sister, is getting married in July. Last year in August, I flew the kids out to drop them off with the RB for a visit and spent the night there. While I was visiting, one of his relatives (his SIL, I think) mentioned in passing that the neice was getting married and wanted the kids to be in the wedding and that she'd get back with me on the specifics. I never heard another word about it.

Oh, well, My Favorite Marine has mentioned the wedding itself several times, because he's worried he won't be able to take leave to go home for it, but no one has said anything since that one time about my kids being in the wedding. Until about 2 weeks ago, that is, when the RB's SIL (the mother of the bride) called me:

SIL: Hey Sweetie, I just wanted to let you know that you need to go buy The Girl a dress for the wedding.
Me: What?
SIL: Well, the ones we wanted to have made are $110 and I didn't think you'd want to pay that, so if you just pick up a dress in either white or aqua, that should be fine.
Me: Uhm, ok?
SIL: And can you please take Little Man in and get him fitted for a tux? The rental should only be about $50, but you can just send that out with them when they come.
Me: $50? What?
SIL: Yep, that's a good price, isn't it? Ok, gotta run. Love you, bye.
Me: But, uh, wait...when is the wedding?

She'd already hung up at that point. I just can't believe the gall of these people. They didn't bother with the common courtesy of asking if my kids could be in the wedding. They just assumed that I'd be willing to pay for the clothes my kids need for it. No one has given me the details of the wedding, such as the dates and etc. I know nothing about this and then I get a 2 minute phone call telling me I have to pay for the kids' outfits? OH.HELL.NO.

The RB called me last week about something else and somehow the wedding came up. I explained to him how I was seriously offended that I wasn't asked if the kids could be in the wedding and was just expected to pay for their outfits even though no one had even bothered to tell me when the wedding was and he was totally shocked. He said he thought I knew about the kids being in the wedding and it was absolute bullshit that I'd have to pay for anything to do with it.

Then he told me that he'd just talked to his mom the day before and she'd told him that they had already bought a dress for The Girl for $15.00 at some discount store and that they were shopping for an outfit for Little Man, too, but they needed his size. WTF?? No one told me anything about it! I said, "What if I had already got The Girl a dress?"

The RB was all kinds of salty with his family and he called them to see what was up. He called me back about half an hour later and said that they had a dress for The Girl and they were getting something for Little Man so I didn't have to worry about it. I said, "Well, do I have to send them money for it?" and he said, "No, if they need money I'll give it to them. Sorry you had to deal with this."

Yeah, I about fell out of my chair. As it was, I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing for at least a full minute. The RB, offering to give up money? Stepping in on my behalf with his family. Be prepared, all, the world is offically coming to an end. I just know it.

Anyway, I got an invitation in the mail yesterday, so at least I know when the wedding is now. But seriously, isn't it just common courtesy if nothing else to ask the mother if her children can be in your wedding?

Some people, eh?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Manic Monday....

Six o'clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I was kissin' Valentino
By a crystal blue Italian stream
But I can't be late
'Cause then I guess I just won't get paid
These are the days
When you wish your bed was already made

MM took me to meet his dad last night. He (MM's dad) was retiring after 37 years with the Fire Department. The party was good, though I was severely irritated at MM by the time we left, because he 'forgot' to introduce me to anyone other than his family and left me sitting alone at a table for more than an hour while he was mingling.

We left late (the party was in MM's hometown, a two hour drive from where we live now) and didn't get home until the wee hours of the morning, and though I slept most of the way home, I had a hard time getting to sleep once we got home and into bed.

When the alarm went off this morning, I was in the middle of an incredible dream: I was laying on the beach in Cancun, with a verra, verra fine young man in swim trunks offering me margaritas and peeled grapes (what? I have a good imagination, deal with it) with a warm breeze blowing over me and the sun warming my skin. It was heavenly.

After the first time the alarm went off, I tried to go back to sleep and recapture the moment, but it was lost. It was also freezing in my bedroom and MM wasn't being a very good electric blanket, the punk. The alarm went off for a good 45 minutes before I managed to crawl out from under the covers and stumbled into the bathroom.

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday

I finished in the bathroom and slowly made my way to the kitchen to make coffee, the most precious of God's gifts to mankind, in my opinion, only to discover, to my absolute horror, that I was out. Completely out of coffee. Do you understand what a travesty this is? It was one of the most horrific experiences in my entire life. Seriously.

While trying to deal with my profound loss, I did what every good mother does and took my baby, The Greatest Dog Ever, and MM's 2 Stupid Dogs, outside to go potty. I'm kind of sitting there on my patio, in a mild state of shock and the fattest of the 2 Stupid Dogs decides it would be funny to play tug-of-war with my slippers. I lost the battle and my slipper has now departed to slipper heaven, where I'm sure it will be much happier than it was here in the real world, where it was tortured by a little fat Black Lab.

Have to catch an early train
Got to be to work by nine
And if I had an air-o-plane
I still couldn't make it on time
'Cause it takes me so long
Just to figure out what I'm gonna wear
Blame it on the train
But the boss is already there

My kids spent the night at my mom's house last night, so thankfully, I didn't have to get them ready for school, but I was still running almost half-an-hour late by the time I made it to the shower. I rushed through it, still groggy and in mourning, and proceeded to stand in front of my closet for nearly 20 minutes in my robe trying to decide what to wear.

All of the nights
Why did my lover have to pick last night
To get down
Doesn't it matter
That I have to feed the both of us
Employment's down
He tells me in his bedroom voice
C'mon honey, let's go make some noise
Time it goes so fast
When you're having fun

MM, completely oblivious to my deep, resounding grief, took my extended state of undress as an invitation and proceeded to attempt to molest me. I told him as soon as he woke up that I was out of coffee, and knowing me as he does, it should have been warning enough for him to steer clear of me, but apparently he lost most of his brain cells during the night, because he didn't heed the warning in my tone or body language. He finally got the hint and grumbled all the way to the bathroom about how it was my fault for standing there in nothing but a robe and it's not his fault that I'm out of coffee and basically just diggging himself a hole the size of the Grand Canyon. He'll be in the dog house for no less than a week over that incident.

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday

I finally made it to work, in a very black mood, only to find a mountain of work stacked on my desk and no coffee made. After blistering Cookie's ears for the latter, I dived into the former only to find that half of the things in my pile were things that were supposed to have been taken care of on Friday while I was out of the office.

When Mailyn redesigned my template, she made my little comment guy say, "___ People Want My Frappucino." Today, I want theirs. Though I did finally get some coffee, I'd still prefer to go back home, climb into bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend like today never happened. It's only 10:30, people. I'm almost afraid to stick it out and see what else can go wrong today.

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday

Movies: Dark Water

I'm too lazy this morning to write my own review, so here's the one from B&N. Newly divorced mom Dahlia (Jennifer Connelly), having won custody of her daughter, Ceci (Ariel Gade), in a bitter court battle, takes up residence in a depressingly dreary, run-down apartment -- the only affordable one in proximity to a good school. But shabby maintenance isn't the main problem. Long ago, Dahlia learns, something horrible happened in the empty apartment above hers...something that continues to haunt everyone in the building. Walter Salles appropriates the visual style often used by Japanese filmmakers in the production of contemporary urban-based horror films; harsh fluorescent lighting drains the color out of already drab settings and gives the characters a pale, unhealthy appearance. The sun rarely shines, and the cloudy, rain-swollen skies cast a grey pall over the city. Tracking shots are employed sparingly, and when the camera moves it doesn't glide confidently but slithers stealthily down hallways or around corners. Horror is conveyed not by cheap "boo!" tactics but instead by the steady accumulation of disturbing events and blood-chilling revelations. Connelly is superb as the young mother, already emotionally fragile but determined to fight the unseen forces that threaten her young daughter. Similarly effective in minor but carefully written roles are Tim Roth, John C. Reilly, Pete Postlethwaite, and Camryn Manheim. Dark Water isn't the type of horror movie that makes good "popcorn" fare: It doesn't rely on hoary, stereotypical devices and doesn't have the one-murder-per-reel pace many fans crave. Instead, it moves slowly, almost funereally, toward a sense-shattering conclusion that will leave most viewers limp with exhaustion once the movie has ended. And that's more than you can generally say of today's fright films. Ed Hulse

This movie was very, very slow moving. We see snipets of Dahlia's childhood that leave us mostly confused and somewhat curious, and the nightmares she suffers are strange and oddly frightening. But it was the end that clenched it for me. It wasn't what I expected AT ALL and I was left totally dumbstruck by it. Completely and totally. I didn't expect the final twist at all. Well, ok, maybe a little bit, but the way it played out left me, just as Ed Hulse said, limp with exhaustion. Not to mention emotionally drained. It made me question the sacrafices I make for my children, and wonder if I'd make the same as Dahlia did in this film.

The end is absolutely worth enduring the first slow moving 3/4 of the movie. Really.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Movies: The Omen

Who remembers the original version of The Omen that was released in 1976? A quick recap for those of you who don't remember...

Ambassador Robert Thorn's (Liev Schreiber) wife, Kate (Julia Stiles) goes into labor and the child is born before he arrives at the hospital. When he gets there, he learns that his wife had a very difficult labor and delivery, and the child did not live. Believing that she'll never be able to have another child, he agrees to accepting another child - one whose mother had died that same evening - as his own.

Only this is no normal child. During his 5th Birthday party, his nanny hangs herself from the top of their house while screaming "This is for you, Damien. It's all for you." Why? Because she looked into the eyes of a big, black dog that drooled a lot. Really. I swear.

Then, a new nanny shows up, just when Kate doesn't think she'll ever find one. She seems kind and is determined to have the job. Though Damien's mother has some reservations, she hires the woman. Only strange things start happening after that. Mom starts hallucinating and having strange nightmares. Damien becomes more and more withdrawn, and Kate begins to believe there's something wrong with him. They go to the zoo and the monkeys start freaking out, trying to shatter the glass that surrounds them. Yeah, crazy, huh?

Kate turns up pregnant, and she's determined to have an abortion. She's emotionally unstable at this point, and is seeing a therapist. After Robert meets with the therapist, he finds out that Kate is having strange thoughts, and she swears Damien is not her child, which totally freaks Robert out, because he never told Kate about the baby-switch.

A priest starts following Robert, telling him his wife is in grave danger and the only way to save her is to meet with him. Shortly after that, the priest is impaled just outside of a church in a truly inspired bit of cinemetogrophy. Really. No sarcasm here. That was freaky as shit. Too bad it was the only part, eh?

Well, Damien knocks Kate off of the third story of their home and she has a miscarriage. While she's in the hospital recovering, Robert, with the help of a photographer who has some really crazy pictures, starts investigating the circumstances of Damien's birth. Trying to find out who his mother was, what happened to her and etc.

While he's gone doing that, Damien's nanny sneaks into the hospital and kills Kate. Then Robert figures out that Damien's mom was a beast (literally) and they murdered his real son (rather than him having died on his own during birth) and he figures he better talk to someone. So he finds this other priest (since the first one was impaled in that crazy scene) who tells him he must kill Damien with the seven daggers of Maggado.

Of course, Robert refuses, because it's his son and blah, blah, blah. So the reporter says he'll do it, because he's seen his own death through his photos. Only his head gets chopped off (sad, really) in a truly gruesome manner.

So, Robert decides he better do the deed himself.

Alright, anyone who's seen the first one will understand this. For those of you who haven't, I'll try to explain a little.

Remember (watchers) how terrified you were of Damien throughout the movie? You just knew he was evil and it made your skin crawl and you wanted to pull your feet up from the floor while watching. He'd get the look on his face and you just knew. Knew he was the son of the devil, the true Anti-Christ and you were afraid. And you wanted him dead (that was for the non-watchers).

Well, see, that never happened in this movie. In the original, when the nanny kills herself, we know Damien is behind it. But in this one, I had no idea. I thought it was the big, black, drooling dog. Seriously.

When Kate is pushed over the third balcony of her home, I figured the nanny put him up to it, because that was the way they made it seem. And at the end? When Robert is going to kill Damien, and he says (Damien, that is) "No, Daddy, please don't", well, I didn't want him to die. He was only a little boy. But in the first movie? I was screaming, "KILL HIM, KILL HIM YOU IDIOT" right along with everyone else.

To sum this up: The movie was long, drawn out, boring and not at all scary. The villian of the piece wasn't cast in that light at all. It sucked. Period.

Was it scary? Well, in 1976 it was. But in 2006? Pffft! Didn't believe for one second that young Damien was the Anti-Christ.


Don't go see it. It's not worth the money in the theatre, or the money to rent it. Really.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

It's All AMES' FAULT!!

**Bear with me, I'm still working on this email posting thing! THANKS!**

Since most of you visit the same sites I do, I'm sure you know by now that I'm mildly obsessed with Ames' fat Jack Russell Terrier, Maximus Decimus. Or as I like to call him, Fat Max. He's adorable, all. Really. He's cute and fat and when he walks he waddles. And he once at 8 Hot Dogs! Isn't that cute?

See how adorable he is! AWWW!

Anyway, because of Ames and her fat dog Max, I'm in a bit of trouble. It really is all her fault. If she hadn't showed me pictures of him, I never would have ended up in this situation.

Remember when I told you about MM and his 2 Supid Dogs? In that blog I mentioned that not only did MM plan on keeping the two labs he got, but he and his BIL were talking about how he might get a Great Dane, too. But what I didn't tell you is that before he even saw the labs or did all that research for a Great Dane, he was talking about getting a Jack Russel. He decided after awhile that he wanted a Great Dane instead, but in the beginning, he kept talking about the Jack Russel.

So, last night, in all of my infinite wisdom, I was showing him pictures of Fat Max and gushing over how cute he is and made him watch the video and blah, blah, blah. *bangs head on desk* Yes, I know, I'm an idiot.

Why, you ask? Because he got that look in his yes. Yes, that look. You know, the one that signifies his brain is turning and his penis is coming to attention and before I even realize what's going on, I just know that I'll be married to a man with 2 Black Labs, a Great Dane and a Jack Russell. Plus, I'll have The Greatest Dog Ever (my Black Lab) and my 2 kids.

Ames, I am holding you personally repsonsible for this. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

Grace?? Can I still come hide at your house?? PLEASE?


This is a trial run to see if I can post via email.  Other people do it, so why can't I??

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

MM is So Cute!

This morning I got up kind of late. I'm ususally up by 6:00 a.m., but I just couldn't get out of bed! I finally rolled out of bed at about 7:45 and took the dog outside.

When I came back in about 5 minutes later, there was a pair of men's sandals right smack dab in the middle of my hallway. I was confused, but figured Little Man had gotten up and put them on, then just left them laying in the hallway. So I slipped them on so I could put them in my closet and turned the corner into my bedroom and stopped short.

Apparently MM had snuck into my house while I was out in the back with the dog and crawled into my bed. He was already sound asleep, too. It had been what? Five minutes? It was so cute.

But the best part? Little Man had crawled into my bed sometime last night, and him and MM were all curled up together. When I saw them my heart turned over and I rushed for my camera....only to realize the batteries were dead (dammit!). So, I didn't get a picture, but I did get a warm fuzzy from it!

He's just too cute!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Another Post Dedicated to Heaping Praise on Mailyn

*crowd stares in awe, quietly chanting, and then growing louder* Mailyn, Mailyn, Mailyn, Mailyn.


Everyone, tell Mailyn what an amazing job she did with my new template. She totally deserves it! Damn, Mailyn, you ROCK! The banner is fabulous and I love the new template!


Thank you so much for taking the time to design and upload it!

I stand in awe of you! ;)


P.S. If y'all are interested, go visit Mailyn at Imaginary Origin. She's sweet and very talented. You'll end up loving her just as much as I do!

Monday, June 05, 2006

My Faith in Humanity Has Been Restored!

I know that there are good, wonderful, kind people in the world. But with all of the negative media reports and bad things you hear about the human race, I sometimes forget. I'm not a negative person, I don't think everyone is evil or terrible, but I just don't expect the best from people anymore. Maybe I should, but it's so hard, when we, as a people, are disappointed so often.

But today, today my faith in humanity was restored.

I had one of those moments this morning. Last night The Devil Woman called and said she missed me and the kids and asked us if we wanted to come over this morning before I took them to school and eat breakfast with her. Because the kids had been complaining about missing her, I agreed, even though our mornings are generally very rushed (because I have an additional half an hour drive to get the kids to school now).

Some mornings, on his way home, MM stops by. Not all the time, but once in awhile. This morning was one of those mornings. Which was great. I've missed him terribly, because I haven't seen him since last week Thursday (with his schedule and mine, we just haven't been able to see each other). But having him come by put us even farther behind schedule than usual.

I finally rushed the kids out of the house about 7:20 and headed towards my parents. It only takes a couple of minutes to get to my mom's from here, but since I normally have to leave the house no later than 7:30 to get the kids to school on time, we were in a major rush.

It was because of this that I left my wallet sitting on the kitchen counter. Normally, this wouldn't have been a problem. But today of all days, it was. Why, you ask? Because my gas tank was almost on empty. By the time I got to work this morning, I was hovering just above empty.

Of course, I didn't realize my wallet wasn't in my purse until I'd picked the kids up after work and was on my way to the gas station. And then I panicked. I used to live just a few blocks from the after-school place my kids go to, but now I live 25 miles away. It's 115 degrees outside today, the wind on the freeway was blowing between 40 and 50 mph and there's a steep grade leading up to my house. So, if you add all of that together, the blasting of the air conditioner, the additional strain I'd be putting on the engine by driving in gusting winds and the steep uphill grade, I knew I didn't have enough fuel to make it home.

In a mild state of panic, I started digging at the bottom of my purse for change and searching under the seats of my car. I knew if I could just get a gallon or two in the tank I'd have enough to make it home. Between the kids and I, we managed to come up with exactly $4.00. With gas prices the way they are (I just paid $3.27 a gallon!) I was nervous about making it home. Scared out of my mind and NOT looking forward to walking in triple digit heat with two small children, I pulled into the cheapest gas station I could find and ran in to pay.

Naturally, my putting a meager $4.00 in the tank was enough to raise the eyebrows of the station attendant and the customer who was just in front of me inline (he'd stepped off to the side of the counter to put his wallet back in order, something I'm sure we've all done). I explained the situation, how I'd left my wallet at home and had to drive up the hill to get it. I was a bit humiliated, but mostly just anxious. With two small children, I couldn't afford to hoof it.

The guy behind the counter made a sympathetic noise and asked why I didn't stop at the bank. I did, I informed him grumpily, but without a photo ID, they refused to release any funds. Which, yes, I understand, but my situation was dire! The gentleman that had been in front of me said I'd be fine and handed the attendant $2.00 from his wallet. He said, "I'm sorry, I'd offer more, but this is all the cash I have" I just stood there, stunned.

Yes, it was only $2.00, but it was his last $2.00 and it was the difference between me making it home or not. What an amazing gesture. More than ensuring me and my children made it home safely though, it reminded me that there are good, kind people in the world. People who would give you the last dollar they had to make sure you got home safely. Basically, it restored my faith in humanity.

Thank you, stranger. I needed both the money and the reminder that I take far too much for granted.

Another Quiz Post and a Rant About Blogger!

What the hell is up with Blogger lately? For the last week or so it's been down more than up! I'm so tired of pages not loading, posts being lost, comment windows not being displayed and the word verification being X'd out! GRRR! IS IT EVER GOING TO BE RUNNING SMOOTHLY AGAIN??

I've been trying to post new blogs for three days now and it's just not happening. I'm VERY upset by the fact that FOUR of my posts have just disappeared into some black abyss! BLOGGER SUCKS ASS RIGHT NOW!

Because I'm tired of dealing with it, I'm putting my other blogs on hold and posting this Quiz Blog instead. Here's what you can look forward to in the future:

MM's Quirks
Tales of the Devil Woman: Episode 15
The Drama Queen Takes on Hawaii

In the meantime, enjoy some mindless fun!

You Are Coke

A true original and classic, you represent the best of everything you can offer.
Just the right amount of sweet, just the right amount of energy... you're the life of the party.

Your best soda match: Mountain Dew

Stay away from:Dr Pepper

You Are 27% Bitchy

You're a pretty sweet person, and you're definitely not prone to bitchy outbursts.
Sometimes, though, you can't help thinking mean thoughts about people. But at least you don't act on them!

You Are A Woman!

Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood.
You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out.
You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat.
This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

You Are Not a Gold Digger

You go out of your way to take care of everything in your life.
Including money - which you've got plenty of, thank you very much.
And you have no intentions of being a trophy girlfriend for some bald guy.
Just make sure that hottie you met isn't scheming to be your boy toy!
As a successful woman like you knows, gold digging goes both ways these days.

Friday, June 02, 2006

A Little of This and A Little of That

We had our annual Charity Golf Classic on Wednesday. This is our third year. We sponser the tournament to raise money for our favorite charity and collect donations in the form of gift certs, golf rounds and cash to auction off at the luncheon afterwards. We raised about $8,000 our first year, $12,000 our second and it sounds like we raised close to $17,000 this year. That's just from donations and the entry fee for the tournament. We also managed to raise another $2,000 by selling raffle tickets. I sold over $800 myself. Yay me!

We had a great time. MM golfed in it with TCW (aka: the Stalker Police) and we had different sponsers set up at the holes with refreshments and what-not. Overall it was a great event and I'm really proud of my boss and our company for sponsering it.

According to TCW and the other three players of MM's foursome, he talked about me non-stop the whole day. One of the guys who golfed with him came in this morning and I said I was lucky I found such a devoted man. Another of the men he golfed with is a former co-worker of mine and at one point, I guess MM had mentioned that the only real concern he had about dating me (in the beginning) was the state of my relationship with my ex. That was before he knew the details of my life with the Rat Bastard and he was concerned that I might end up back with him. Well, the former co-worker supposedly went off about The RB, using every curse word known to mankind and assuring MM, who got over that worry real quick in the beginning of our relationship - that he had nothing to worry about with the RB.

Since it was the first time MM had met the former co-worker, he seemed rather shocked that not only did ol' boy know so much about my past, but also that he was so quick to jump to my defense and spout off about what an ass the RB is. It was cute.

I got a lot of sun and finally have the beginnings of a tan. I was worried that I might go another year without one, since I work during the day when the sun is shining and I'm busy with baseball and kids on the weekends. Cookie told me the other day that my legs are blinding her and and I need to stop wearing skirts and shorts until I have a tan. Lucky for (and myself, really, since it's now into the triple digits here) I have a base and can safely be seen in public showing my legs without fear of causing traffic accidents by blinding fellow pedesestrians and drivers alike.

That evening Little Man had his first playoff game of the season and the poor boys got Spanked, 20 - 2. I would have felt bad for them, but it was because they were slacking and their heads weren't in the game. Not that I really blame them, because it was 105 degrees that night.

Now we're headed into TOO MUCH BASEBALL time. I'm so not looking foward to the next week. They have practice at 9 tomorrow morning, a game tomorrow evening at 5 (or 6, I'm tired right now and can't remember...LOL) then another game on Sunday at 2:30. If they win on Sunday, they play again that evening at 6. If they win that game, they play on Monday at 5. If they win that game, they play Tuesday at 6. If they win that game they play Wednesday at 6. If they win that game they play Thursday at 5, which will be their last game, but they have their team party on Friday at 6. At Chucky Cheeses. Of all the brainy ideas...Who in the world thought taking 13 rowdy boys to CC was a good idea? *sigh*

I also wanted to take a second and wish Rene Lyons a speedy recovery. She's having surgery today (nothing major, but annoying for sure) and I wish her the best.

I'm also requesting prayers and thoughts for the younger brother of one of Little Man's teammates. He's 5 and he was born with a tumor under his tongue. 2 weeks ago, he started vomitting blood, and he was rushed to the emergency room. I guess he'd gotten an infection and he's now going to start a ten year process of radiation and surgeries to get rid of the tumor. I don't know the medical terms, but I guess the tumor is connected to too many blood vessels to remove at once, so it's going to have to happen over the course of ten years. Verra sad! Can you all please keep this little boy and his family in your thoughts and prayers?

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

P.S. I didn't even bother to proof read this post, so if it looks terrible, I apologize!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Just Some Kid Stories

I was talking to Isabel the other day, and she said I should tell y'all some of my kid stories. These are things my children did when they were younger. Some of the are pretty hindsight. I'm not sure I thought they were so cute at the time, though.

Fishing (I think The Girl was about four and Little Man was two when this happened)
During a visit, my parents took my children to the local fish hatchery to feed the fish and bought them some rubber fishes in the gift shop. About two weeks later, a friend and I were having coffee together when I noticed it had become very, very quiet in my daughter's room. As any mother knows, silence is not a good thing where kids are concerned. So together my friend and I crept down the hall and peeked in her door. I was confused by what I saw, and after glancing at my friend's confused expression, we snuck a little farther into the room.

They were sitting on the floor around a little plastic sand pal holding something over the rim of the bucket. Confused, I cleared my throat and asked what they were doing.

My daughter graced me with a huge grin and pulled a tampon out of the bucket. "We're fishing, mom." (Mothering Tip: Be sure to keep all sanitary products out of reach of children, you never know when they might embarrass you with them) She happily informed me. I leaned over and looked in the bucket and sure enough, little plastic fishes were floating in water and each of my wonderful children was holding a tampon string in hand, with the other end floating in the water.

Quite ingenious, really.

A Padded Cel (this happened just after my son was born. The Girl was just about 2 and a half)

I used to ask my daughter if she was trying to drive me insane. She'd just smile and continue doing whatever naughty thing I had just finished telling her not to do.

Now, those of you out there who've given birth (a vaginal birth, at any rate) will understand what I'm talking about here. I'm sure the rest of you can just imagine.

Remember those HUGE pads they gave you in the hospital just after childbirth? The ones that span your entire pelvic area, starting at just below your belly button and ending at the center of your lower back? Ahh, brings back memories, doesn't it?

Well, as I said, I used to ask my daughter all the time if she was trying to drive me insane. Little did I know that she was paying attention and thought to help me along on my road to madness. In a stroke of inspirated genious, the little darling decided to create a white padded cell for me.

She found said enormous pads (the hospital had provided me with no less than three large packages after the birth of my son) in the cupboard under the bathroom sink and proceeded to wallpaper the entire bathroom with them. When I later asked her what she'd been thinking, she said, "You asked me for a padded cell, mom, remember?" (Mothering Tip: Becareful what you say to your children, you never know when it might backfire on you). I'm not lying when I tell you the child was just over 2 at the time. That doesn't bode well for my future, does it?

Finger Painting (this happened while I was pregnant with my son. My daughter was about 1 and a half at the time)
I'm one of those people who likes to be well stocked up on things I know I'm going to need. For example: I keep at least 2 boxes of tampons on hand at a time, and at least 2 jumbo packs of toilet paper and several tubes of toothpaste. I realize now that this is a mistake with small children in the house, but I was oblivious before, much to my chagrin.

My daughter used to love to lock herself in the bathroom (see above Padded Cell story). She'd be gone from my sight for a minute or two and I'd hear the toilet flush and just groan. It would take me FOREVER to talk her into unlocking the door (Mothering Tip: Keep a butter knife on hand in case you need it to jimmy the lock on the bathroom works like a charm) and in the meantime she'd get herself into all kinds of trouble in there, doing things like flushing the toilet repeatedly and getting into things she shouldn't.

In this particular instance, she decided finger painting would be fun, and proceeded to use three tubes of blue toothpaste to paint the walls, bathtub, toilet, sink, cupboards and toilet paper holder. She was only about thigh-high at that point, so everything from that point up was pristine white and everything from that point down was a pretty, glistening blue.

So, just remember when your kids are acting up, it could always be worse. They could be fishing with tampons, or creating padded cells, or painting your bathroom blue.

Good times, Good times.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

What Were You Expecting? - Templates Novo Blogger 2008