Saturday, January 28, 2006

Ahh, The Joys of Motherhood.


I love my children. More than anything else in the world. Their laughter brightens my life and seeing one of their smiles melts my insides. Their perceptivness amazes me, as does their creativity and intelligence.

But, Lord, somedays I just want to strangle them.

While I had an entire blog here from last weekend to demostrate the numerous ways my children are trying to drive me insane, I've decided instead to just outline my favorite parts.

Now, keep in mind as you read this that my children are 9 and 6. Hardly adults, but certainly not children incapable of a little independence.

Let's start with my daughter.

I woke up this morning to her fast asleep on the couch. The child refuses to sleep in her bed. She says it's uncomfortable, even though I spent more than I make in a month on a new matress for her. And she was naked. Yes, I said naked. The child refuses to keep her clothes on. Absolutely refuses. I don't understand this at all. At all. I'm convinced the child is going to grow up to be a stripper or a centerfold. Lord save me then.

I was cleaning her room last week (the child is a horrible pack-rat and so unorganized and messy I had to do a double take when I opened the door as I wasn't sure if I'd entered her room or ground zero of a war zone) and found a pile of stuff under her bed that would rival Mount Everest in size. There were clothes and toys. There were papers and garbage. And there were eggs. Yes, I said eggs. Like chicken eggs. The kind we normally eat for breakfast? Yes, those kind. There were six in all, four broken and 2 perfectly hole. One of them was in a glass of water with plastic wrap over the top. She cryptically informed me that it was an experiment she was working on. She didn't elaborate and to be honest, I was afraid to ask.

Then I get her progress report and she's not turning her homework in. No surprise there, though, since she's always fighting with me about it! Cryin all night in a bucket.

Let's move on to my son.

He's a sweet, angelic little boy. I swear, he's practically got a halo...that's obviously being held up by little devil horns. He's sweet and bidable..until he doesn't get his way. Then he just turns stubborn and demonic. I asked him yesterday to please pick up his cars. He folded his arms across his chest and refused to budge. I threatened, I cajoled, I bribed. But once the child sets his mind to doing something - or not doing it, as the case may be - that's the end of it.

He's also become rather violent. He kicks, hits, punches, bites and scratches. Usually it's something inanimate, but on occasion his sister gets caught in the crossfire.

Then, last week Little Man gets in trouble at school for FLIPPING SOMEONE OFF. As in, raising middle finger in explicit gesture. What the freakin! The kids is 6. Yes, that's SIX!

So bascially, I'm at a loss right now. I have no idea what to do with the two of them. *sigh* That convent/monestary I have picked out in New Zealand for their teenage years is looking better and better, though. Do you think it matters that we're not Catholic?

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Quiz: What kind of boots are you?

You Are Skinny Heel Boots

You always look great - from your styled hair to your sleek boots.

Tales of the Devil Woman: Episode 6

I have a thing for motorcycles. I love everything about them. I love the speed of a street bike, the rumble of a Harley. I love the feel of all that steel rumbling between my legs. Perhaps it's because I grew up near Sturgis, South Dakota, home of the annual bike rally. Perhaps it's because I grew up with four uncles who were obsessed with them and shared their appreciation with me.

Or perhaps it's yet another thing I inherited from the Devil Woman.

We're headed to the mall a few months ago, me driving and DW in the passenger seat. We stop at a red light and a motorcycle goes by. My head whips around to watch it. I admire the colors of the bike, the rumble of the engine and the rather broad shoulders of the man riding it.

This, apparently, sparks a memory for the Devil Woman, because she gasps and looks at me. "I totally forgot to tell you," she says, in the excited voice of a teenager revealing a juicy tid-bit about her latest crush, "I was driving home from work the other day and saw this motorcycle cop with the most amazing shoulders."


She proceeds to tell me, in vivid detail, the build and physique of said motorcycle cop. As she's talking, she faces forward again and closes her eyes, obviously reliving the moment in her mind. I'm listening - and trying not to snicker aloud - when the light changes from red to green. I step on the gas and start forward through the intersection. The Devil Woman gasps, jerks forward, graps my arm and says, "Watch out!". I jump in my seat and hit the brakes, thinking she saw someone coming through the intersection and we're about to have a horrible accident. I quickly look around and seeing nothing, ask her, "What? Where?".

She looks at me, then back at the road, then falls against her seat. "Nevermind," she says. I give her a look, like you lost your damn mind and continue on. About half a block later it dawns on me.

As she was describing the motorcycle cop, she was picturing herself behind him and when I stepped on the gas she was jerked from her daydream and probably felt like she was falling off the back of the bike.

I start snickering and glance at her out of the corner of my eye. She's staring straight ahead and her face is so red I'm surprised the car isn't glowing. My snickers turn into full blown giggles and she joins me. "Nothing like getting wrapped up in a fantasy," she says, while gasping for breath.

And doesn't that just say it all??

Monday, January 23, 2006

Movie Night with MM

Saturday Little Man and I hung out with MM at his house. MM slept late on Saturday morning, so Little Man played video games and I finished reading Loving the Highlander by Janet Chapman.

When MM finally woke up, he offered to grill burgers for us. LM and I quickly agreed. I asked MM if he wanted me to get the ground beef out of the freezer and defrost it while he took a shower. He said no, he'd get some at the store because he needed other things, too. I shrugged and said whatever. But instead of buying ground beef and making his own patties, he bought those nasty pre-made ones from the frozen section. *shudder* They were alright, but I think the homemade ones would have been much better.

After we had lunch, we played Disney Uno for awhile and then MM decided he wanted to go hiking. I said I didn't want to because it was too cold, so he and Little Man headed out. While they were gone, I finished the lunch dishes and then went to Blockbuster to rent movies.

I called Sweet Angel on my way to the video store, because I was a little freaked out that LM and MM had gone off alone. Not that I didn't trust MM with my baby, but it was the first time they'd ever spent any time alone together and it made things seem a little more serious between us. I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about it, but I'm over it for now.

SA told me she was having a dilema of her own. She was supposed to be going to see a movie with Joey, but he'd invited the Porn King to go with and she didn't want to go with the two of them. I told her to stay home, so she did. It made me feel better to listen to her...So thanks, Sweets, you're the best...;)

Anyway, I rented Red Eye, Wedding Crashers and The 40 Year Old Virgin. When MM and LM got back, I set LM up with kids DVD in the spare bedroom and then MM and I settled down to watch our movies.

He chose to watch 40YOV first and holy crap, that movie was hillarious! I haven't laughed that hard at a movie in a long time. It totally cracked me up!

One man nervously ventures forth into the final frontier in this comedy starring Daily Show regular Steve Carell. Andy Stitzer (Carell) is a cheerfully geeky guy who is settling into middle age with his large collection of comic books, action figures, and collectable models. Andy works in the billing department of a big-box electronics store, and seems reasonably happy with his life. However, one day his friends and co-workers David (Paul Rudd), Jay (Romany Malco), and Cal (Seth Rogen) discover that Andy has a secret -- due to his rather severe jitters around women, Andy is still a virgin. Andy's pals are appalled at this state of affairs, and set out to find a woman who'd be willing to get horizontal with him. After a number of disastrous dates, everyone thinks Andy has finally struck gold when he meets Trish (Catherine Keener), an attractive single mother who takes an immediate liking to him. What the other guys don't know is that Trish has just gotten out of a bad relationship, and has informed Andy she isn't ready to be intimate with him just yet. The 40-Year-Old Virgin was the first feature film directed by Judd Apatow, who previously served as a writer and producer for the well-regarded television shows Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared, and The Larry Sanders Show. Mark Deming

Next we watched Red Eye. I love Rachel McAdams after seeing her in The Notebook and I thought the plot of this movie seemed really good, but I somehow forgot about it until I saw it at the video store. I rented it on impulse (and a little push from Sweet Angel) and am so very glad I did. It was great! Thrilling, action-packed and chilling. The perfect combination for a suspense-thriller.

Following up on her comedic triumph in Wedding Crashers, the versatile Rachel McAdams makes her thriller debut in this gripping opus directed by veteran shudder film specialist Wes Craven. She plays Lisa Reisert, the resourceful customer service manager of a large hotel catering to government officials as well as visiting tourists. While flying home to vacation with her dad (Brian Cox), Lisa is essentially kidnapped onboard the plane by a fellow passenger who calls himself Jackson Rippner (Cillian Murphy, the creepy Scarecrow in Batman Begins). He's working for an unnamed terrorist group that aims to assassinate a Homeland Security bigwig who's about to check into Lisa's hotel, and he orders her to help facilitate the hit or lose her dad to a shooter lurking outside the Reisert home. It's a simple premise, but Craven develops it skillfully, without extraneous characters or time-wasting subplots. Once the basic situation is established, our attention is riveted on Lisa's plight: Trapped in an airplane with an admitted killer sitting next to her, can she possibly foil his plan without risking either her life or her father's? It's a tour de force for McAdams, who makes Lisa totally believable within the confines of a narrowly defined character. Murphy, too, is excellent, conveying oily charm and quiet menace with seeming effortlessness. Red Eye isn't a lengthy or complex thriller; it sustains suspense with constant forward motion, progressing seamlessly from one plot point to the next, and without a single superfluous scene. It's not unlike the very best B-movies of Hollywood's Golden Age, which told their formula-bound stories concisely. It's the best film Craven has directed in years. Ed Hulse

Finally we watched Wedding Crashers. I didn't even realize that Rachel McAdams was in this film as well. She played a great part in both movies, though. While I found WC funny, I think 40YOV was much better. It lacked a lot of the dry-humor of 40 and didn't have near as many laugh-out-loud scenes.

Wilson and Vaughn are John and Jeremy, respectively, two committed 30-something bachelors who spend their summer weekends lying their way into strangers� weddings. Their goal is bedding bridesmaids, and they are very good at it. We see John and Jeremy score repeatedly at every manner of nuptials, no matter whether the principals are WASPs, Orthodox Jews, or Hindus. This first third of the movie, which climaxes (ahem) with a montage set to "Shout." the Isley Brothers' perennial reception favorite, may be the most riotously funny 40 minutes of the decade. The film takes a turn when John and Jeremy crash the wedding of U.S. Treasury Secretary William Cleary�s daughter and fall for the bride's two unwed sisters. John becomes smitten with Claire (Rachel McAdams, 2005's It Girl), who is seeing an Ivy League thug (Bradley Cooper), while Jeremy sets his sights on Gloria (Isla Fisher), who may be totally nuts. Of course, since Christopher Walken plays Secretary Cleary, this should come as no surprise -- but Walken plays it as straight as any role he has had for the past 20 years. Things get more complicated than an episode of Three's Company when John and Jeremy are invited to spend a weekend at the Clearys' summer home, where they must survive the most violent game of touch football ever played and contend with the advances of Secretary Cleary's wife (Jane Seymour) and art-damaged son (Keir O'Donnell). Uninhibited by the constraints of a PG-13 rating, Wedding Crashers plays it loose and bawdy, recalling the anarchic spirit of '70s comedies like Animal House and Caddyshack. The film loses its early edge near the end, but Wilson and Vaughn remain charming throughout, easily carrying the film over its inevitable "speak now or forever hold your peace" threshold. Bill Pearis

Toward the end, Vaughn and Wilson are in a church attending a wedding and McAdams' fiance comes at Wilson like he's going to punch him. Vaughn steps in front of Wilson and punches the fiance in the face. I thought the scene was funny, but even funnier was MM's reaction. He cheered out loud. Literally screamed "YESSSSS" at the top of his lungs, clapped his hands and then rubbed them together. He cheered so loud that he woke up LM. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I said, "Did you just CHEER?? I thought only girls cheered at parts like that?" hehehe It was great.

Anyway, all in all we had a great Saturday. The movies were wonderful and LM really soaked up the male attention...

*ehem*

So did I, for that matter.

How Scary Are You?

See, I told y'all I was all that was sweetness and light...

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

What song should you strip to?

Yet another thing I stole from my hero Isabel. You've redeemed yourself with this one, Syl...*snicker*

Your Stipper Song Is

Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot

"So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'"

You've got a boomin' body, and you're not afraid to show it off.

The Ex's

Everyone has stories about their ex's. Whether they're funny, or sad, or sweet, or stupid, or frustrating, pretty much everyone has tales to share.

When MM and I first started dating, we had "THE TALK". You know the one...I had such and such happen in such and such relationship and so on and so forth. Most couples share these stories at one time or another in their relationship, and we were no exception.

However, last night, we had "THE TALK" again, only with much more detail included.

Normally I wouldn't share the stories from his past relationships with everyone else, but I just can't help myself after a comment he made last night. He said - Sweet, Wonderful boyfriend that he is - "Really, honey, after my past relationships, you're like a diamond in a big, fat pile of Shit." Yes, he actually compared me to shit. Perhaps I should have taken offense to being compared to a pile of shit, but after he related these stories, I just couldn't bring myself to care.

Now, as a woman, I know it's not right for me to mock and make fun of his previous girlfriends. No, really, it's wrong and I shouldn't do it. Knowing it's wrong isn't going to stop me from doing it, however. *evil laugh*

So, in order of appearance:

Girlfriend #1: The Stage 3 Stalker

This was his first serious girlfriend. Unlike me, he didn't date much in high school (I said date, not sleep around..SHEESH), and he didn't have his first semi-serious relationship until he was a Junior (for my Australia readers, that's 11th years..hehe).
Basically, it went down like this:
They started dating. After they'd been together for a few months (I may be wrong about the timeline, but I think that's correct) she demanded that he decide what religion they were going to get married in and what they were going to name their kids.
Needless to say, he got out of that one quick.

Enter Girlfriend #2: Doesn't like Alf Girl:

I'm sure you'll remember from previous blogs, such as Meet The Parents, Alf is MM's best friend. They've known each other since grade school and they love each other like brothers. MM knows if he ever needs anything, Alf will be there and vice verse. Even before I met him, I knew that Alf was a major part of MM's life, like it or not. Though I hadn't met him, I already knew I would like him just from listening to MM tell stories about him and etc.
Apparently not so with Doesn't Like Alf Girl. She decided before she met him that he was a "bad influence" on MM and that she didn't like him because of it. You know how boys are, they get into all kinds of trouble with their boy's when they're younger, right? Well, from what I understand, DLAG didn't think MM could make decisions for himself and didn't want him spending time with Alf, apparently fearing for his soul if he did.
After about 10 months, she finally gave him an utlimatim: Her or Alf. MM said, "If you force me to make that decision, you're going to lose. Are you sure you don't want to rephrase that?" She apologized and he continued to see her, but he knew the end was near. It finally came when she told him she fully expected him to sit home and pine for her when they couldn't see each other.
Hmm, can I say PSYCHO any louder here?
When he broke up with her it turned into a very dramtic scene with her threatening to end her life. He basically told her that she wasn't going to do that, because if she did it would only confirm for him that "She was completely unbalanced".
But it gets better....
Apparently a couple of days after he broke up with her, her mom showed up at his work to "discuss" his relationship with her daughter and "see" if they couldn't work things out. She also wanted to "reassure" herself that he wasn't seeing someone else or cheating.
Now, I can understand, as a parent, being concerned about your overwrought daughter. I can even see, as a parent, wanting to talk with the man who broke your daughters heart. If she were a child or a teenager. Unfortunately - and much to my amusement - that wasn't the case with DLAG. She was 20. Yes, I said 20.

Moving right along...

Girlfriend #3: The Stage 5 Clinger

This was his first girlfriend in the Marines. He met her shortly after boot camp and they started dating. 2 weeks later, she proposed. MM, of course, accepted. Yes, I said accepted. She even gave him a ring.
See, it was like this: He'd just come off of a training excerise and hadn't slept in three days, so he just wanted to have sex and sleep for 14 hours straight. When she proposed he figured, "Say no, go through a bunch of drama, go without nookie. Say yes, have sex, go to sleep. Easy answer here."
Now you know and I know it doesn't work that way, but we'll forgive him because he was tired (or this is what I'm telling myself anyway).
About a week (forgive me if my timeline is off here. I was so busy laughing I missed the exact time frame when he told me about it) after he accepted he was transferred to Virginia and she stayed here. He got a call about three weeks later from a good friend of his saying that he'd heard that TS5C had cheated on him. MM called her and she denied it, but eventually came clean that yes, she did.
He attempted to break it off with her, but she threw a hissy fit and he relented. Then, in a desperate attempt to be free of her at last, he staged a mock-fight with his bunkmate and convinced her he was totally off the wall.
As far as I know, he hasn't heard from her since.

That brings us to...

Girlfriend #4: The Cheater

Not having dated much in high school, once he joined the Marines, he went through a "date around" stage. You know how it is, you date someone for a few weeks, you don't connect, so you date one of her friends instead?
Apparently TC falls into that category. She had a small child (perhaps you'll remember from Our First Date that one of his major concerns about me having children was my relationship with my ex. He told me then, briefly, about The Cheater.
It seems that her ex was a real piece of work who had left her for a younger, virginal girl. Since said girl wasn't putting out, every so often he would show up, plead for forgiveness, hit it and quit it. I'm thinking our girl wasn't too bright, because she kept falling for it, but that's just me.
So, as I'm sure you've guessed by now, this happened again after he'd been dating her approx. three weeks. The biggest problem I have with this is apparently they (her and MM) slept together the night before she cheated...So she was about 8 hours out of his bed before she hopped into another one with her ex. Can we say, ISSUES??
MM immediately broke up with her, but since they had mutual friends and they hadn't really formed an attachment, they agreed to remain friends. About three weeks after they broke up, they were out with a group of friends and MM was innocently flirting (his version...I think it's much more likely that the flirting wasn't innocent, but I'm kind of skeptical like that) with one of their mutual friends and TC freaked out on him. She basically attacked him in the hall and kissed him full on the mouth. When he pushed her away, she admitted to being jealous and then turned on the Flirty Girl. Needless to say, they weren't friends after that.

We've finally arrived at..

Girlfriend #5: The Porn Girl

I dislike porn. I honestly don't see the point in it at all. I find it morally and objectively wrong and just can't wrap my brain around the fact that these men and woman make their living by having sex for all the world to see.
I guess TPG didn't share my opinion. From all accounts, the girl was obsessed. MM tells me that she seemed rather cold in bed and couldn't get turned on unless they watched hours of porn first. At first he was kind of intrigued by the fact that she wanted to watch porn with him, but over time it got old. He said he wasn't officially creeped out, however, until she berated him in public for his "shabby" collection of porn. Then she bought him three new tapes that were "better" and forced him to watch all three in one sitting. After that he said he had a hard time being in the same room with her without his stomach turning. Or maybe that was me, because I threw up a little in my mouth just now. *shrug* Either way, it's wrong.
She lives about an hour and a half from here and MM didn't see her for about three months. She refused to return his phone calls and just seemed to sort of disappear. He'd already decided it was over, but wanted to tell her face-to-face rather than by email for phone. She solved the problem for him by calling and breaking it off. He said he was relieved. This was about a month before we started dating.
So he was away two weekends ago and ran into a guy who works with TPG. It turns out she's a lesbian and living with her new "life partner". I tried not to laugh when MM told me, because he seemed a little disturbed about it, but I just couldn't help myself. The situation is rather amusing, no?

There are several others that I left out, but I think I included the most important ones.

As I said, it may be wrong for me to laugh and poke fun at them, but I just can't help myself. No wonder he compared me to that diamond in a pile of .....

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Meet The Parents

MM took me to meet his parents the weekend after Thanksgiving. I didn't get to meet his dad or step-mom, but I did meet his grandparents, aunt, uncle, sister, neice and mom. Plus I met his best friend and his best friends parents, whom he considers his "adopted" parents.

We drove down Saturday afternoon. I think his family is great. I was a little bit nervous, because even though it doesn't seem like it, I'm really shy about meeting new people. Plus, I wanted them to like me.

We drove by his mom's house and his grandparents house on the way to see his best friend. I swear, they all live within a few blocks of each other. We pulled up to Alf's house (his best friend, and yes, before you ask, that's a nickname) and MM hopped out to exchange hugs.

They're really cute together. They've been friends for about twelve years and you can tell their close. MM gets all excited whenever they talk on the phone ( I think it's really cute how he acts like a little schoolgirl after a phone call from his best friend) or at the prospect of spending time with him. He even bounces up and down and rubs his hands together in excitment *insert eye roll here*.

Anyway, he introduced me and then Alf's parents came out and said hello as well. We stood around and talked for awhile while Alf put up his parent's Christmas decorations, then MM drove me over to his Grandparent's house.

They're super sweet. His grandma fed us, and his mom walked over from her house so we could all visit with each other. Then his sister and niece showed up, too. I expected to feel like I was sitting in the hot seat, but they hardly grilled me at all. It turns out that his aunt and uncle have been to my home state, so we talked about that for awhile, then I had a great conversation with his grandpa about their recent travel's to the South.

After we ate we went back and picked up Alf, then went to In-and-Out, which from what I gathered is a sort of tradition for them. I thought it was kind of odd, personally, because MM had just wolfed down two huge sandwiches and various other things at his grandparent's, but what do I know, right?

Alf and MM reminicsed about old times, and I heard some pretty good stories.

MM had been telling me that I had to get Alf's approval before things could get "offically" serious between us, but I think Alf was more worried about meeting me than I was him. Apparently one of MM's ex-girlfriend's didn't like Alf because she said he was a bad influence or something, so I could tell Alf was being kind of guarded. I told him not to worry about it, because I'd already decided I wasn't going to like him and nothing he could say or do would change my mind. hehehe MM laughed.

After In-and-Out we went back to Alf's parent's house and hung out for awhile. I really liked Alf's parents and MM seemed a lot more comfortable with them than with his own family, which is something I'm still working on trying to figure out. They're huge Jimmy Buffet fans and seem like grown up hippies. It was cute.

On the way home MM told me that his grandpa pulled him aside just before we left and told him, "Not to let this one get away." Apparently that really threw MM, since he'd never said that before. I got a little bit nervous hearing that, because I'm still skittish about forevers and marriage, but I'm slowly adjusting (yes, even after all these months).

All in all I'd say it was a good visit. MM didn't get 20 phone calls warning him off, and they all hugged me when we left, so I'm assuming I passed the test. I hope.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Movies: Music From Another Room

Music From Another Room is a romantic comedy that follows the exploits of Danny (Jude Law), a young man who grew up believing he was destined to marry the girl he helped deliver as a five year old boy when his neighbor went into emergency labor. Twenty-five years later, Danny returns to his hometown and finds the irresistible Anna Swann (Gretchen Mol) but she finds it easy to resist him since she is already engaged to dreamboat Eric (Jon Tenney), a very practical match. In pursuit of Anna, Danny finds himself entangled with each of the eccentric Swanns including blind, sheltered Nina (Jennifer Tilly), cynical sister Karen (Martha Plimpton), big brother Bill (Jeremy Piven) and dramatic mother Grace (Brenda Blethyn) as he fights to prove that fate should never be messed with and passion should never be practical.

*sigh*

I love this movie.

When Danny was five, shortly after his mother died, he traveled with his father to visit his mother's childhood friend for Thanksgiving. While they were there, she went into labor. The umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby's neck and little Danny had to reach in and unwrap it.

As soon as the baby girl was born, Danny announced to the room that he planned to marry her.

25 years later, after living in England most of his life, he returns to the States to move in with his girlfriend, only to learn that she's leaving him for someone else. Just by chance, he runs into his mother's childhood friend, Grace. Anna, Grace's youngest, the one he helped deliver, immediately captures him. Though he's sworn off love, he finds himself doing strange things and making a complete fool of himself for her.

Anna is much more practical. She refuses to allow deep love and passion to touch her life, prefering instead to stay in control at all times. Danny does everything he can to make her fall in love with him.

This is a wonderful movie. I saw it for the first time several years ago and loved it, but didn't know the name of it. So you can imagine how thrilled I was when I came upon it while channel surfing tonight.

A definite must see!

My favorite quote from the movie comes from Danny (Jude Law). Anna's blind sister asks him what to describe love for her and this is his answer:

You know how when you're listening to music playing from another room? And you're singing along because it's a tune that you really love? When a door closes or a train passes so you can't hear the music anymore, but you sing along anyway... then, no matter how much time passes, when you hear the music again you're still in exact same time with it. That's what it's like.

I Think I Need Professional Help


I'm addicted to hot men. Ok, so not to the men themselves, but to looking at pictures of hot men.

I have no idea how this started or how to cure myself of this affliction. I have a feeling it started about the time I left the Rat Bastard and stopped getting Nookie. Considering this "dry-spell" last more than three years, I suppose it's understandable that I occasionally had a little taste of eye-candy.

Of course, like any addiction, what started out as an occasional high, soon moved onto being an everyday occorance.

There are times that I get down right mean if I don't have new and exciting eye-candy for my viewing pleasure. I've become a veritable expert at navigating sites such as mostbeautifulman.com.

Of course, I'm not a selfish addict. I'm of the opinion that if you have it, you should share it. Naturally I expect this to work both ways. If I share, you share.


I'm not picky. I like cowboys, with their big hats, tight jeans and various ropes.

I like half-naked men in the water, with their exposed skin, muscles glistening, water sluicing off of them.

I like men on motorcycles, with their leather clothes and all that steel between their legs. I like pecs and abs and biceps and shoulders and eyes and..well, the list is endless.

Hmm, I'm pretty sure I had a point with this blog, but I seem to have lost it somewhere around the Abs/Pecs.

If I remember, I'll be sure to get back to you.......


Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Movies: Hitch

I'm a romantic sap. I know. It's sad and horrible...And life. I'm a sucker for a Happily Ever After. I get misty eyed and my heart swells.


I'll read just about anything, or watch just about anything, if I'm guaranteed an HEA in the end.

Or so I thought. Until Hitch.

Alex “Hitch” Hitchens is a legendary--and deliberately anonymous--New York City “date doctor” who, for a fee, has helped countless men woo the women of their dreams. While coaching Albert, a meek accountant who is smitten with a glamorous celebrity, Allegra Cole, Hitch finally meets his match in the person of the gorgeous, whip-smart Sara Melas, a gossip columnist who follows Allegra’s every move. The ultimate professional bachelor, Hitch suddenly finds himself falling deliriously in love with Sarah, a reporter whose biggest scoop could very well be the unmasking of Manhattan’s most famous date doctor.

I love Will Smith. He's been one of my favorite actors since The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I find him charming and funny and yes, pleasant to look at. I'm always excited to see one of his movies.

Unfortunately, this one wasn't up to par.

While it had some funny parts, it wasn't the laugh-out-loud comedy I was expecting from the previews.

We meet Sara Melas, a gossip-column reporter and realize right away that she's jaded, cynical and completely against men. This could have been off-putting, but she was wintelligentlegent and sassy. A perfect combination for a heroine, in my not-so-humble opinion.

While Hitch spends his time helping the men who hire him make the women of their dreams fall in love with them, he doesn't believe in love for himself at all. And though he's smootdebonairbenoir enough to attract just about any woman, as soon as he starts liking Sara he turns into a comklutz clutz. Some of the sceneshilariousarious.

The first half of the movie was great. Watching Hitch and Sara fumble around in their newfound relationship was sweet and fuUnfortunatelyunatly, the entire story was ruined when Sara betrayed Hitch on information from a bad source and he, for some unknown reason, felt he had to apologize for it. I still haven't figureexactlyexacly how he endgrovelingelling when it was she that was in the wrong.

What started out as a cute, sweet love story, turned into a near bloodbath of broken electronics in my home, as I was tempted to throw the remote, the popcorn bowl and anything else I could get my hands on at the end of this movie.

Sara went from a sindependentendant woman to a stupid, idiotic woman who couldn't see the forrest for the trees. Very frustrating.

I give it a 1.5 out of 5.

Quiz: What Kind of Romance Heroine Are You?

Got this from Grace, who probably got it from Dylan who probably got it from Isabel who probably got it somewhere really cool like that because she's the best...*SNICKER*

Hoyden
Dearie me, you are a Hoyden! You may have
brothers, but it is most likely you are the
indulged only daughter of an affectionate
father and a mother who died when you were an
infant. You have been known to wear breeches,
refuse to ride sidesaddle and know how to use a
pistol or a rapier. There is a distinct
possibility that you will become embroiled with
smugglers. You are definitely cheeky and
fearless. Your hero will at first mistake you
for a boy, but his inexplicable attraction to
you will lead him to deduce that you are in
fact female. He will be torn between his
respect for your daring and skill at manly
pursuits, and his irrational yet intense fear
for your safety, which will manifest itself in
him becoming very angry with you. You will, of
course, not recognise the fear beneath his
anger, and will shout right back at him - there
is a good possibility things will turn steamy
at this point. The situation will resolve
itself either in you taming your wild ways
because you can't bear to cause him concern, or
in you rescuing him, leading to a compromise in
which he recognises and respects your
abilities, and you take fewer risks. Let us
hope it is the latter.


The Regency Romance Quiz: What kind of Romance Heroine are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tales of the Devil Woman: Episode 5

I'm directionally challenged. If I don't have printed instructions with pictures to tell me how to get somewhere, it's pretty much a guarantee that I'm going to get lost. I'm fabulous at following a map or written instructions, but otherwise, I'm screwed.

I'm pretty sure this is a genetic flaw that I inherrited from the Devil Woman. It's impossible to go somewhere with her (even if she's been there before) and not end up lost. The two of us together is just plain scary!

We can't travel together and not argue, either.

Two years ago we went to the beach over some holiday weekend (I can't remember which one it was). We didn't reserve a camp site beforehand (pre-planning is practically a sin in our family) and we drove around for three hours (basically in circles) while we argued about which way to go and the general area we were supposed to be in.

My nephew was with us (he's my nephew by marriage, four years younger than I am). After a particularily heated debate between the Devil Woman and myself (It went something like this: Me: Dammit DW, I TOLD you we needed to turn the other way. DW: Shut the hell up. I know we're supposed to go this way. Me: WTF? We already went this way twice. DW: Watch out for that truck. Dammit, pay attention when you're driving. Me: I saw the damn truck. Quit side-seat driving. Do you want to drive? Because I'll pull this car over right now. DW: Hell no I don't want to drive. I just want you to pay attention. And so on and so forth. Of course, the entire time, Italian hand gestures were flying) and I turn to him - he's in the backseat between the two kids and burried under mountains of beach gear - and say "You'll want to pay attention to this for when you get married. That way you'll know what not to do when you and your wife go somewhere." To which he replied, "Like hell. After spending three hours in the car with you two I'm never getting married."

The Devil Woman and Spawn: Ruining men for women all over the country.

So, as the summer months approach and we get ready for our road-trip season, I caution all of you California drivers: Beware. The Devil Woman may be on the road.

Even worse, I may be with her.

Monday, January 16, 2006

4th Reason I Love MM

Last weekend I was kind of irritated with MM. We were supposed to see a movie together - Memoirs of a Geisha - and he kept hemhawing about going. At first he said he wanted to go with me, but when it came down to crunch time he refused to commit. At first he said, "Oh, well, we'll see." And then it was, "Well, we could always rent a movie" and then, "I don't really feel like sitting through a movie." Man-Speak translator: I don't want to see that movie.

I told him, "Sweetie, if you don't want to see that movie, just say so. I'll make plans to go with my mom instead." He said: "No, I told you I'd take you to it and I will. I just don't feel like seeing it tonight." Of course, when I suggested King Kong, he was all for it, but that's another story.

Needless to say, I was a bit upset with him. Not because he didn't want to go see the movie, but because he wouldn't fess up to it. I got back at him by wearing my CFM boots and explaining in great detail the outfit I'd planned on wearing if we had gone to the theatre to see MoaG (the outfit included tall CFM boots, a barely there skirt and no panties...of course, I never would have worn it, but I take my revenge seriously), to which he replied, "How long does it take to get from your house to the theatre?" When I told him ten minutes, he said, "Good, that gives you twenty minutes to change. If we leave now, we'll make the late show." I just rolled my eyes.

After much debate, we finally decided to rent a movie instead. We watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose (which was good, BTW) and that was the end of it. In case you were curious, I still haven't seen MoaG, but I'm hoping to this week.

Then he had to leave town for the week. He left Sunday night last week and came back Saturday. His best friend was in town from Hawaii and he went back home to spend time with him (about 2 hours from here) after his business trip ended on Friday. I was fine with that, because I know they don't see each other that often.

He called me Saturday and said he was on his way home. He asked if it was alright if he came directly to my house. I said sure, that was fine and he said, "Good, because I can't go another day without seeing you, I miss you that much!"

Say it with me, AWWW!

So he came over Saturday and we hung out for awhile. I had PMS and wasn't feeling like doing anything, so we just watched some T.V. and caught each other up on our week.

Then he called me yesterday morning and said he was finishing up some things at home and then he'd be heading to my place. I said, "Oh, were we hanging out today?" And he said, "Well, I thought so." I said, "Ok, whatever."

Apparently he thought I didn't want to see him, even though I was only teasing him, because at 4:00 p.m. he still wasn't here. So I called him to see what was up and he said he didn't think I was in a hurry to see him, so he'd just been chilling at home. I felt awful! I was only teasing about the hanging out thing, and he'd taken me seriously. Poor guy.

Anyway, he said he'd head down shortly and we signed off. Throughout the day I'd been kind of irritable and PMSy, plus I seemed to have caught the stomach flu, and I just wasn't a happy camper. I called my sister to come over and help me with the kids (my 2 and the 1 I was babysitting for a friend) and she flaked on me (which I was extremely upset about!). So MM calls to tell me that he's on his way and I tell him he may not want to. I'm grumpy and sick and pretty much not good company. He says, "Well, good thing I'm coming over then, so I can take care of the kids while you rest." *sniffle*

I finally get the kids to bed around 9:30 and take a shower. MM was waiting for me in the bedroom when I came out of the bathroom and he rubbed lotion on me and gave me a foot massage (no funny business either, bless his heart). Then we settled down to watch a movie. Before we got into it, I mentioned that I wanted ice cream, but didn't have any. When the movie ended, he said he had to run to Wal-Mart for a few things and he'd be back in a bit. I finished reading my book while he was gone.

When he got back he winked at me and pulled a carton of Cookie-Dough ice cream out of a bag. I got a little misty eyed. Then, while I was serving it, he pulls something else out of the bag and set it on the counter. I look over at it and immediately teared up again.

It was a little red bear, with little black horns, holding a heart that says I love you. It was very sweet!

Then he sat down and watched Roman Holiday with me until I started falling asleep. If that isn't the most amazing gesture, I don't know what is. I can't imagine another man sitting through three quarters of Roman Holiday.

After Sweet Angel's Chocolate Incident, I'm feeling very kindly toward MM at the moment.

Is it any wonder that I love him?

Friday, January 13, 2006

The Quiz Post

I'm kind of bored tonight...so here you go. :)

Do You Make A Hot Impression

Hot-Impression Pro

You're a master at making a sizzling impact without leaving skid marks. "You're able to enter a situation, whether it's a job interview or a first date, and come away with people wanting to know more about you, and that's what makes you so magnetic," says Leil Lowndes, author of How to Be a People Magnet.

Another wow-worthy trait you possess: intuition. "You know how to pick up on other people's cues so your moves are appropriate to the situation," says Debra Rosenzweig, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City. For example, you'll be daring enough to toss out a naughty joke to a new group of girls at a bridal shower or compliment a random stud's iPod picks to warm him up to you, but if you hit dead air during an interview, you won't fall back on the same sexy tactics. Instead, you'll cleverly spark your interviewer's interest by lobbing him a question that gets him talking about himself (most people's fave subject). Bottom line: You know that creating a fab first connection means showing interest in others, then pulling back juuuust enough to get them intrigued.


Translating Man-Speak : How Well Do You Know Men


Native Speaker
You must've grown up with brothers, because you've got guys decoded. Sure, men can be vague. But you've got a pretty solid handle on reading between those lines. So, what are the benefits of having honed this valuable skill set? Well, unlike a lot of women, you won't have to deal with as many mixed signals when it comes to dating -- not to mention fewer phone calls to your girls wondering, "Do you think he'll call?" You've got all that figured out on your own.

Are You A Great Date

Desirable Date
Honey, you're the total date package: optimistic and open to trying new things, whether it's exotic cuisine or rock climbing. You also have the right mind-set. "It doesn't matter whether you're sitting in a coffeehouse or a fancy restaurant because you see a date as an opportunity to find out whether you're compatible, rather than making it into a high-stakes interview," says relationship expert Peta Heskell, author of Flirt Coach.


Still, that doesn't mean you're totally anything goes. "While you're open to going out with a guy who may not fit your usual specifications, you have no problem saying no to a second date if your gut tells you that he's just not a match," says Heskell. That savvy confidence extends to the dates themselves. If a guy switches plans on you at the last minute, you'll be open to it (baseball night) but make your needs known (next time, it's a movie, your pick!). No wonder your PDA is probably packed with date nights and eligible dudes' digits.

Are You A Menstrual Monster: How Moody Are You?

You definitely can get a little irritable when Aunt Flo comes to town, but you mostly manage to keep things under control. You're good at recognizing when the hormones are talking, and are quick to apologize when you're short with your boyfriend or impatient with your mom. The best ways to keep PMS under control are by getting plenty of sleep and keeping a healthy diet ‑- in particular lay off the salt, fat, sugar, caffeine, alcohol and cigarettes. Stress relievers like exercise and massage will also go a long way.

~ That's an understatement if I've ever heard one...LOL

The Sexy Name Decoder

Got this from Lucy Monroe's blog.


width="240" height="180"
alt="Hottie Offering Lustful Loving and Yeses"
border="0">


Well, you can't beat Hottie, Lustful and Loving, eh? hehehe

Update: Hurt Feelings

As an update to my Hurt Feelings blog....

I'm ashamed to admit that it was due to the following:

PMS

Though I'd never admit that aloud while in the company of a member of the opposite sex, there it is.

*sigh* Sometimes, I just hate being a girl....So yes, I have this again today.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Oh, To Be A Man

Today, I have Penis Envy. This happens to me occasionally, usually around a *certain* time of the month. I start the day thinking about how *horrible it is to be me*, and then progress into the *if only I were a man* stage, which, eventually, turns into full blown Penis Envy.

What would it be like, I wonder, to pick my nose in public, make crass jokes for my own amusement and that of my friends, scratch myself in *interesting* places, and be, in general, a complete idiot? Today, it sounds like heaven.

I could pretend stupidity when my signifigant other complains that I didn't do my share of the housework. I could plant myself in front of the T.V., watch football, drink beer, and be forgiven for assuming the SO (signifigant other) will wait on me hand and foot.

I could date a woman half my age, drive around in a sports car, wear a bad hair piece or bad comb-over and still be envied by my friends.

I could have sex and be guaranteed an oragsm every single time.

I could be bitchy and whiny and an all around asshole and not have it blamed on *PMS*. Hmm, actually, I wouldn't get PMS at ALL!

But, of course, the main reason I have Penis Envy? I could pee standing up. Oh, the joy! To be able to whip it out without thought or reason and handle my bizness....Heaven, pure heaven.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Rat Bastard Update

So he calls me today...

RB: "I'm getting this rate and this program for my loan. And these are my closing cost. Is that a good deal, do you think?"

Me: Silence

RB: "Oh, and because they're more than I expected, I probably won't be able to pay my child support this month. Is it ok if I send you a double check next month instead?"

Me: "You know, honey, I didn't let you give it to me in the ass when we were married, so why in the hell would you think I'd let you give it to me in the ass now?"

RB:
Silence

Freakin Rat Bastard. Hopefully that will end the calls....for now.

Movies: Closer

Set in London, England, good Samaritan Dan Wolf (Jude Law), a struggling writer, takes Alice Ayres (Natalie Portman), a shady young woman and part-time stripper, to the hospital when she's hit by a car, and they fall in love. One year later, Dan meets photographer Anna Cameron (Julie Roberts) and tries to pick her up, but she rebuffs him. In revenge, Dan sets Anna up for an embarrassing encounter with sex-addicted dermatologist Larry Bagley (Clive Owen), but the two end up seeing each other. Then another year later, Dan and Anna begin an affair of their own, and relationships between the four collapse. Over the next year, all of them become obsessed with hurting each other and wreak some heavy emotional damage. Will any of them be strong enough to put this destructive sequence of events to a stop?

This movie was whacked. It wasn't at all what I expected and all of the flashbacks and flashforwards were confusing as all hell. Perhaps I would have thought better of it, but it's classified as a "romance", when it should have been labled a "drama".

Jude Law's character, Daniel, is strange and neurotic....and Clive Owen's character, Larry, is crass and obsessed with sex.

I did enjoy the Alice character, though. And the end wasn't what I expected.

The acting was good, though.

Not a must see, but not terrible, either. Just kind of confusing and blah.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Tales of the Devil Woman: Episode 4


I love Starbucks. I know I shouldn't. I know it's bad for me. I know I spend way too much money there. But I can't help myself. Just the thought of a Venti Vanilla Mocha with an extra shot of vanilla and whipped cream makes my mouth water, my eyes light up and my entire world a better place to be in.

The Devil Woman loves Starbucks, too. Her poison of choice is an Iced White Chocolate Latte with low fat milk and no whipped. We usually send someone for us like twice a week.

So, a few minutes ago, I hear her on the phone with Cookie. She's telling her something about her computer (Cookie's, not the Devil Woman's) and then she says, "Hey, will you stop at Starbucks and get me a coffee?" My head pops up and I stop typing to listen. She says yes a couple of times then hang up.

As she walks by my desk a minute later I say, "Did you send Cookie to Starbucks?"
She replies, completely oblivious, "Yeah, I wanted to try this new drink, so I asked her to stop on her way back."
I just stare at her. She looks kind of confused for a minute, then her eyes get wide and she says, "Oh, right. I should have asked if you wanted something." Well, DUH!

Then she goes into a whole spiel about how she wasn't thinking and blah, blah, blah. I basically blocked her out after that.

Although I do think she summed it up rather nicely with that first statement...She just wasn't thinking. But then, does she ever?

Hurt Feelings


I'm in a funk. The last few weeks, I've been kind of...blah. I don't really want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. I've been kind of in a domestic mood, wanting to cook and bake and organize my closets. And my feelings have been getting hurt over the dumbest things.

I was feeling kind of blue last week. Not for any particular reason, but just several things all at once, so I tell MM about all of my woes, looking for a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. Rather than letting me indulge in my self-pity, which is what I really wanted to do, he made jokes about the situations I described and basically mocked me and my hurt feelings. I know he was just trying to tease me into a better mood, but there are times when I want to be held and listened to, you know?

Then my friend made an idle comment today, about something that has nothing to do with anything, and I about cried from it. She said, "And maybe if you were more nicer Holly, you would be IN on my plan to get these two together again, but NOOOOOO, you gotta be Miss I hate the world and I gotta do all the grunt work by myself, *sigh*". Like I said, this had nothing to do with anything in real life. It was actually about a hypothetical situation, and she was totally joking, but it still hurt my feelings.

Last week my sister asked me to see a movie with her sometime this week. Whether we rented one and stayed home or went to the theatre didn't matter, she just wanted to hang out. So I call her yesterday and ask her if she wants to come over tonight and she says, "No, I have better things to do." Now, whether she was joking or not (and at this point, I'm not entirely sure which), it hurt my feelings. Did she really have to say it like that?

My brother left for University last week and I've been kind of upset about it. I mentioned in another blog that he didn't even bother to come over and say goodbye and it really bothered me. We used to be really close, constantly talking or hanging out with each other, but he's sort of drifted away lately. So I called him Sunday night to see how he was doing and if he'd gotten settled in, etc, and he says, "Yeah, things are fine. I have to go, Corey is on the other line." Ok, Corey is a friend of his that he's had for like a minute. I've been his sister for almost 22 years. You'd think he could tell his friend he'd call him back, but noooo!

Every sappy song I hear on the radio brings tears to my eyes and I cried at the sad headlines in the newspapers. Even my children are making me sad (though I did take an inordinate amount of satisfaction in their refusal to call the RB last night...*SNICKER*).

basically, I'm just sensitive to everything right now. The stupidest things, like one of my best friends never emailing me or calling me when she says she will, are really upsetting me. Normally I'd just shrug it off. I know she's busy and that our friendship hasn't changed all, but I feel like I'm being abandoned. Just like the comment my other friend made.

So, how do I fix this? How do I go from uber-sensitive to normal? Why am I like this to begin with. No, it's not that time of the month. No, nothing major has happened to put me in this funk. I'm just overly sensitive!

Maybe I should just crawl under my desk for now and wait for it to pass, huh? Of course, if I do that there's a good possibility I'll be there for the next year. The idea does have it's merits, though.

*sigh*

Monday, January 09, 2006

Movies: The Skeleton Key

A young woman helping care for an invalid in New Orleans finds herself caught in the middle of morbid going-ons centered around a group of Hoodoo (Not Voodoo, it's different. Hoodoo is an old African American magic that only works if you believe in it.) practitioners.

Caroline (Kate Hudson) is a twenty-five-year-old hospice worker who takes a position in an aging Louisiana home, caring for Ben (John Hurt), an older gentlemen who suffered stroke several months before, after her latest charge passes away.

Ben is paralized and cannot speak, and Caroline, to atone for not being with her father when he dies, vows to make him better.

As time passes, and she pokes around the old attic, she becomes suspicious of the house...and it's mistress, Ben's wife Violet (Gena Rowlands).

She finds a locked door in the attic and only becomes more susipicious after breaking into it and finding all manner of blood, bones and spell books associated with Hoodoo.

Caroline becomes convinced that Ben suffers not from the effects of his stroke, but the effects of a spell placed on him by the ghosts of 2 servants that Violet is convinced are still trapped in the house. She becomes determined to unlock the secrets of the house and save Ben from the horrors that hold him captive.

I thought it was very well done. Kate Hudson, whom I love, played her part to perfection. It took me three quarters of the movie to figure out what was happening (which is good for me, since I usually know within the first quarter). I thought it might drag on a bit, but I was pleasantly surprised.

It was creepy and suspenseful and kept me just a little freaked out and on the edge of my seat.

A definite must see.

Stupid Rat Bastard

My ex and I aren't really on good terms with each other (*snort*, that's putting it mildly...basically, I hope he dies a slow, agonizing, painful death....by my hand), but I try to be pleasant to his face and not say bad things about him where the kids can hear. Apparently, he doesn't share my consideration, but this doesn't really surprise me...he is the Rat Bastard, after all.

When we got divorced, as part of the custody agreement, it was decided that he would have them three times a year for two weeks at at time. We've had nothing but problems with the agreement since it was made. Because he lives in another state, weekend visitation isn't feasible.

According to said agreement, he's to be financially responsible for travel arrangements both ways. I agreed to less child support per month so the kids would be able to visit him during their scheduled times.

The first time they were to visit, he didn't want to pay for my ticket as well. My children are (or rather, were, at the time) 8 and 6. In my opinion, that's too young to travel alone. Apparently the airlines agree with me, because the minimum age for safe travel without an adult is 9.

Finally, his parents agreed to pay most of the fare, and they kids had their visit.

The second time, it was the same song and dance. He didn't think it was fair that he had to pay for my travel as well as the children's. Of course, he wasn't willing to fly himself to get them from one place to another (even though I agreed to drive them to Vegas to save money...yes, I know, I am the very picture of compromise and cooperation here), but that's another story entirely. Since I thought it was important that the kids see him, I agreed to forego my child support for the month so he could afford the tickets.

I wish I'd kept my mouth shut, however, because once again, his parents footed the bill. (Yes, he's a working adult, but he's still a mama's boy...I know, I know, What the HELL was I thinking, right?)

Before we made the final arrangements this last time, the RB told me he didn't think he'd be able to fly them out again the next time they were supposed to visit.

Hold on just a second. So that you're not confused, let me give you a little background here:

The RB is 29 (for another month anyway, then he turns 30). He has a very good paying job with a large, very profitable construction company. He makes approximately three times what I do, lives with his parents when he's not out of town for work (which his company compensates him for), and has no bills to speak of.

Now, he's always complaining that he can't afford his child support, or travel arrangements to see the kids. Though he is quick to point out how often he goes out and parties with his friends and the obscene amounts of money he spends on toys for himself (i.e. New guns, video equipment, etc..).

So, now they're visiting him this last time and he tells me he probably won't be able to afford to fly them out again. He can't "Justify" spending that much to see them for such a short period of time. No, he didn't tell me he couldn't afford it, he told me he couldn't "Justify" spending that much....Yeah, that's what I thought, too.

Anyway, he says he'll come out here for a visit instead. Probably stay a week and then he can do some stuff with them, right? Ok, fine. At least he's making an effort.

Then he calls me and says, get this, "I don't think I'll be able to fly out there after all, because I'm buying a house. And since I just bought a new truck, I can't really afford to spend any money right now."

WHOA! Wait just a minute.

I said, "You bought a house?"
He said, "Yeah, the loan is closing next week."
I said, "And you bought a new truck?"
He said, "Yeah, it's an Avalanche."
Hmm, ok. I said, "I see."
He said, "Do you think you could look over my loan paperwork and make sure I'm getting a good deal?"
WHAT.THE.FUCK?? I said, "I'm sorry, could you repeat that. I'm sure you didn't just say what it sounded like you said."


The stupid rat bastard mother fucking idiot asshole tells me he can't afford to see his children because he just bought a new truck and a new house, can't be bothered to tell them himself and wants me to, then has the BALLS to ask me to check over his loan paperwork to make sure he's getting a good deal?

I'm sorry, I must have gone through a wormhole and landed in an alternate universe....right?

Do you think I'd actually go to jail if I killed him? Or would the jury acquit me?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd get off, too.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

What Kind of Candy Are You Quiz

Stole this from Isabel's blog. Yes I'm addicted to her blog. Yes I want to be just like her. So what. SHEESH!

Snickers

Nutty and gooey - you always satisfy.

The Stupidity of People Never Ceases To Amaze Me




2 kids left at home -- couple arrested
San Ramon police say dad, stepmother partied in Las Vegas
Henry K. Lee, Chronicle Staff Writer

Thursday, January 5, 2006

Here's the link.

WTF?? I seriously don't understand this. The parents decide they want to go to Vegas to celebrate the new year, can't find a sitter and say to themselves "That's alright, we'll just go anyway. The kids can handle themselves. But the dogs we better get a sitter for."

Yeah, makes perfect sense to me, too. Fucking idiots!

Tales of the Devil Woman: Episode 3

I'm a fairly organized person at work. Not only am I the processor, but I'm also the office admin, so I'm in charge or appraisal billing, inventory and ordering, and all office memo's and etc. I have specific files for all of the different departments I head, plus forms I need and memo's taken.

I also have a drawer for all of our files (client files). We have a certain stacking order that we use for our files. Certain paperwork goes in a certain spot, etc.

The Devil Woman and I do the same job (the processing side, not the office admin side), but her stacking order varies from my a bit. Not too much, it's basically the same, but I put certain forms in a different section than she does.

This irritates the crap out of her. Apparently, so does my filing system, because she's searching for a lunch menu today and bitching non-stop about how they're filed. "Why would you put this menu in this section? And why did you put this tab right here?" Blah, blah, blah.

I ask her, "Devil Woman, do you want to be in charge of all the menu's?" She says, "Uh, no." I said, "Shut the hell up then." She said, "You shut the hell up." Then she stuck her tongue out at me. So I flipped her off.

We're so mature.

Per SW's request..here is the Devil Woman's What Level Of Hell quiz results.


the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Sometimes I Just Want To Be Mad

One of the resolutions I made for the new year was to let go of my anger and negativity. I know I tend to look at the negative aspects of a situation instead of the positive. I know I've gotten worse, too, as time has gone on.

So I decided I needed to work on this. I need to relax a little bit more and not let things get under my skin so much. I need to be more supportive of my friends and family and not jump all over them for the little things they do. Instead, I need to focus on their (and my) good qualities.

I tried today. I really, really did. I meant to do better. I tried to let go of my anger and my hurt feelings. And you know what I discovered?

Sometimes, I just want to be mad!

I want to be angry at my neighbor for coming into my house (again) when I'm not home and running up my phone bill. I want to be angry at her for refusing to dump the idiot man in her life that's addicted to drugs and treats her like crap and exposes her young daughter to things most adults shouldn't have to deal with.

I want to be mad at my co-worker who constantly lies to make herself look good. Who has to be the center of attention at all times and puts down the rest of us for the job we do, even though she's only worked there a month.

I want to be mad at my children for not cleaning their rooms and doing their homework. For not putting on their seat belts as soon as we got in the car. For not listening to me when I told them to share their snack. For arguing with each other over EVERTHING and smacking each other in the head.

I want to be mad at my brother for not coming over and saying goodbye before he left today for college. For not coming to see me at all for the last month. For putting his friends before me and for not paying any attention to my children. For not thinking of their feelings when he decided to leave without saying goodbye.

I want to be mad at my friend for not returning my phone calls or emails. For not listening when I need to talk. For not realizing that I'm a person, just like she is, and want the same attention from her that she expects from me. I want to be able to call her just because I feel like it and not have her tell me she doesn't have time for me.

I want to be mad at my aunt for having an affair with a married man and then crying when he went back to his wife.

I want to be mad at my other aunt for staying angry at my mom for more than ten years over something stupid.

I even want to be mad at myself for not getting all the domestic things done that I needed to this weekend.

Yeah, basically, my resolution isn't going so well. And yep, you guessed it:

I'm mad about that, too.

Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Stolen from Isabel's Blog.

Greed:Low
Gluttony:Medium
Wrath:Low
Sloth:Medium
Envy:Very Low
Lust:Very Low
Pride:Medium


Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

100 Things About Me

Stole this from Dylan's Blog.

100 Things About Me

1. I have blonde hair.
2. Sometimes I act like it.
3. I have 2 small children.
4. Ages 6 and 9.
5. I got married when I was 21.
6. I got divorced when I was 26.
7. I'm allergic to marajuana.
8. I smoke.
9. I've never tried a drug besides marajuana.
10. Carrot sticks are my comfort food.
12. I love Peanut Butter.
13. I never like sex until I met MM.
14. I played with barbies until I was in 6th grade.
15. I'm addicted to Coffee.
16. I think the person who invented Pepsi should be sainted.
17. I sing along to every song that comes on the radio.
18. Even if I don't know the words.
19. I hate stupid people.
20. I could easily become a hermit.
21. I hate fish.
22. But I still crave it sometimes.
23. I'm afraid of spiders.
24. I condsider that word (the S word from above) to be a curse word.
25. I threaten to wash my children's mouths out with soap if they say it in my presence.
26. I mean it, too.
27. I have a younger sister.
28. She's a drama queen.
29. She's turning 21 this year.
30. That makes me feel very old.
31. My favorite color is green.
32. I have a younger brother.
33. He's 22.
34. My mother is one of my best friends.
35. So are two of my aunts.
36. And one of my uncles.
37. I think I have the answer to everything.
38. I usually do.
39. I love football.
40. I read a LOT.
41. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
42. Oprah irritates the crap out of me.
43. So does Brittney Spears.
44. And Mariah Carrey.
45. I love The Color Purple.
46. My favortie movie is Gone with the Wind.
47. I've seen it hundreds of times.
48. I think Antonio Sabatto Jr. is hot as hell.
49. I love the smell of fresh cut grass.
50. I hated being pregnant.
51. But sometimes I want to do it again.
52. I'm very selfish.
53. I was a cheerleader from 6th grade all the way through high school.
54. I know most of the Men's Code.
55. It pisses my guy friends off.
56. I was in the choir group in high school.
57. I don't think I was good at that.
58. I have panic attacks in the car.
60. Sometimes I have to pull over because of them.
61. I have the black thumb of death when it comes to plants.
62. I even kill the fake ones.
63. I don't think I'm a very good mom some of the time.
64. My biggest fear is raising my children wrong.
65. I used to lie all the time.
66. I worked at Dairy Queen for seven years.
67. I complained about it all the time, but secretly loved it.
68. I have enough clothes in my closet to go two full months without wearing the same thing twice.
69. But I only wear a quarter of them.
70. I love shoes.
71. I have more than 150 pairs.
72. I hate confrontations.
73. I was born in Ill.
74. I grew up in South Dakota.
75. Even though I say I hated it, I sometimes long to move back there.
76. My eyes change color depending on my mood or what I'm wearing.
77. So do my sister's.
78. I'm addicted to romance novels.
79. I'm writing a novel.
80. But I don't think I'm very good at it.
81. I'm afraid my friends don't really like me.
82. I have bungee jumped.
83. I don't have any tattoo's.
84. But I want one on my lower back.
85. I probably won't ever get it though.
86. I did kickboxing for a long time.
87. But now I'm too out of shape to even do a high kick.
88. I'm really lazy.
89. I am the oldest child.
90. I love the ocean.
91. I'm a Christian, but I hardly ever act like it.
92. This shames me a lot.
93. I have a puppy.
94. I've never shoplifted.
95. I refuse to touch cotton.
96. It creeps me out.
97. Tequila really does make my clothes fall off.
98. The first time I got drunk I fell down the basement stairs.
99. And wanted to do it again.
100. I hate green jelly beans.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Book Pimping: January 1, 2006

I love to read. It's a well known fact by anyone who knows me that I'm a voracious reader. I started reading at a very young age and I've always loved it. I love escaping into another world, wrapped up in a storyline. If the author is good, you come to love the characters and feel as if you're actually living the story yourself. Yes, it's called escapism, and I'm the Queen of it (hmm, I seem to be the Queen of a lot of things, don't I?).

With my friends, I'm the resident book pimp. Because I read really fast and really often, I'm usually the one pimping new authors and books to them. I'm also their guinea pig when they want to try something new, but are afraid to do it themselves.

A few years ago, I actually kept a list of all the books I'd read, plus a summary of each book and where I rated it. Last year a I read so much I couldn't keep up with myself and I lost count. I decided to try and re-start my list with the new year. Since I also listed blogging on the list of things I wanted to keep up with this year, I thought, "Why not put my book list here?" It makes sense, so that's exactly what I'm doing.

I may not get every book, but I'm going to try.

I have a weakness for romance novels. I'm a firm believer in Happily Ever After's and I love reading about them. The first two books/author's I'm pimping are of the romance variety, but I've always said "If it's a book, I'll read it" and that still holds true, so I'm sure, as time goes on, you'll see any number of author's and genre's here.

I read Lucy Monroe's Goodness Had Nothing to Do With It last night and Karen Rose's anthology, Dirty Secrets, in Hot Pursuit. I haven't read the other 2 anthologies yet, but I'll comment on them when I do.

Both were awesome!

Goodness is the sequal to Come Up and See Me Sometime and it was so great to read Marcus and Veronica's story. CUASM was really good and I loved hearing about Alex and Isabel, too. You should totally check them out, I highly recommend them. I highly recommend anything by LM. She's definitely on my auto-buy list.

KR is another great author, too. If you haven't read anything by her, you should! She's a fairly new author, realeasing her first book, Don't Tell, in 2003. Since then she's written three other novels and this anthology.

Don't Tell was a great read, but she just keeps getting better. As much as I loved DT the first time, it's actually my least favorite of her books now. Her writing style just keeps getting better, as do her storylines. I highly recommend her as well.

As I said, Don't Tell is the first book she wrote. She followed it up with Have You Seen Her, I'm Watching You and Nothing To Fear. I just noticed that she has another book coming out in April of 2006. It's called You Can't Hide. I'm going to pre-order it now, so I'll let you know how it is when I get it.

The books are related and should be read in that order. One of the main characters from DT finally gets her story in the last book, NTF. And the rest of the characters are related to each other as well.

I hope you start off your new year right by reading these 2 authors.

For more Book Pimping, visit our other blog Sanctuary's Finest. Sylvia, Dylan, Grace and myself will keep you well informed on what's good, great and not worth reading at all.

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