Thursday, October 05, 2006

Tales of the Devil Woman: Episode 16

How many times as a child, young adult or adult did you cringe at the thought of becoming your mother? How many times did you say, "I'll never say that!" in reference to some comment your mother made to you? For me, it was all the time. I swore on everything holy that I'd NEVER tell my daughter, while ripping her hair out with a brush, "If you want to beautiful you have to suffer." I swore I'd never chase my children around with a wooden spoon, screeching in Italian all the while.


The Devil Woman, however, is just the opposite. Instead of turning into her mother, she's turning into...well, me. Yes, DW wants to be

We're driving home from work the other day, and we somehow got on the subject of high school and whatnot. I told her that there was this big man on campus that I went to high school with who told me years after we graduated that he'd had a crush on me while we were still in school. He said, "I used hear you laugh in the hallway and it would always make me smile. Sometimes, I used to just watch you walk to class and think, I want to be with her." I'm thinking "You're telling me this NOW?" but I said, "I don't know if I should be flattered, offended or scared by this."

DW busted up. She said, "I've never heard that before. Flattered, offended or scared. I like it. I'm going to use that." I rolled my eyes at her.

Then, the next day at work, I'm telling her some story and I said, "You're fucking up the flow, man!" in reference to whatever story I was telling her. She busted up again. "Fucking up the flow! hahaha" I rolled my eyes at her.

But you know how she has memory issues? Well, she didn't want to forget the expressions, so she...wrote them down. And THEN? She stuck them to her computer monitor. For anyone who walks by to see. I made a comment of course and her reply? "What? I wrote Effing instead of Fucking. What more do you want from me?" The freak.

Then she's telling me about something else and she says, "I pulled a Spawn and just smiled and walked away. See, I'm learning." Learning what? How to be like me?

So today we're sitting outside and DW has on a cute t-shirt, wide-leg jeans and some clunky shoes with a fat sole. She says, "I wore bell-bottoms and big shoes today. Just like you usually do." I said, "Wow, I don't know if I should be flattered, offended or scared."

She just laughed.

But I have to be honest...I'm scared. My mother is turning On the other hand, it could be worse. I could be turning into her. Right?


Grace said...


Dude I cracked up SOOOOOO hard when you told me this on MSN. But reading it again, hahahaha I'm still laughing. Your mama really makes me laugh, in a good way that is.

And your mama running around the kitchen with a wooden spoon? LOL! I can see that.

Dylan said...

LMAO, Devil Mom is the bomb, if anyone can pull off being young and hip, it's Devil Mom...don't be hatin' on her, she's the bomb...(make sure you tell her I said that, kay?)

Add this to her list of hip sayings:

"You aint EVEN lyin"


"That is SO the business"


"It's all good in the hood"

She's bringin' sexy back....YEAH! haha...i love it!

Holly said...

She really after me with the wooden spoon, I mean. It was scurry!

DW said, "Tell her SHE'S the bomb..the bomb diggity!" LOLOL The freak!

Isabel said...

Your mom is too funny! ha ha. Remember that song from the jungle book, "I wanna be like you
I wanna walk like you
Talk like you, too
You'll see it's true"

ha ha

Devonna said...

I had the "sex and dating talk" with my mom after my dad died and she'd started dating again. Talk about total turnaround.

Rosie said...

My mom and I were nothing alike. However, whenever I tried a new nail polish she asked me to buy it for lipstick...the same...and shoes! Go figure. She'd have never gone for the f-bomb. She did call my dad a dick head on one memorable occasion though.

At least you found your silver aren't her!

Moment said...

LMAO! Honey don't worry too much about it. I've learned there nothing you can do. We are who we are, and if that's our mother(no matter how scary that is)so be it, I guess.

Kelley said...

LOL. Thats too funny.

Dylan said...

Hey Holly,

Tell DM that I already know that! you!

Devon said...

That is really funny. And kinda cute, though I can see how it wouldn't be to you.

And no wonder we agree on so many things. I can't even tell you how many times I heard "You have to suffer to be beautiful" in connection with painful hairbrushing. It must be an Italian thing, along with the wooden spoon, LOL. We're both twisted by our upbringing.

My mom couldn't pull off hip if you paid her, though.

ames said...


(I thought I commented the other day while we were chatting, but I guess not. I'm sorry!)

Anyway, isn't it funny that your mom is trying to be just like you? What's that saying? About imitation being a compliment?

I don't remember-but at least you're not turning into her. It's a good thing. LOL

Holly said...

LOL Izzy, That song is stuck in my head now. ha ha

I'm glad that was you and not me! YIKES!

You are so right. I don't want to be my mother...The thought gives me nightmares. Too cute about your mom. You'll have to tell me about the dickhead thing sometime. :)

My mother scares me. ha ha

Too funny. I'm so glad my crazy Italian mother isn't the only one. *le sigh*

Yeah, Ames, but I'm more scared than flattered this time around. She even said "Salty" the other day. "I'm salty with your dad right now" OMG! She's my MOTHER! Mother's don't say things like that, you know? haha

You only think it's funny because it didn't happen to you. LOL

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