Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Three M's

***Beware: Below you will find a whiny bitchfest. If you're not interested, move on...***

Migraines: I started getting a Migraine two weeks ago. Though I don't get them as often or as badly as I used to, I still manage to have one at least once a month now. Luckily they only seem to last a few days and aren't nearly as debilitating as they used to be. This one, however, was reminiscent of the killer ones I used to get in high school.

For two weeks now I've been struggling to contain it. I've taken mass amounts of Advil and even broken down and taken my migraine pills. I hate taking them, because they make me sick to my stomach and higher than a kite, but needs must and all that. Last week, though, it all came to a head. At 9:15 on Wednesday I called my office to let them know I'd be in eventually and to my shame, burst into tears as I was telling my dad (who just happened to answer the phone...you remember that I work with my whole fam damily, right?) that I couldn't even brush my hair. Yes, it hurt that bad.

Since I only get 5 sick days a year and I have 2 small children, I knew I couldn't afford to take the day, so I begged my psycho neighbor to brush my hair and then drove at a turtle pace to work, all of my attention focused on not throwing up on my steering wheel or causing an accident staring at the black spots dancing before my eyes. My boss was at a seminar and DW yelled at me - yes, the insensitive witch actually YELLED at me - to go home. I finally did. I just couldn't deal with the pain anymore. I curled up into a little ball on my couch with a cold compress on my eyes and wanted to die. I actually considered - more than once - chopping my head off to make the pain stop.

If you haven't ever had a migraine before, I'm so happy for you. There isn't anything worse. No pain can equal that of a severe migraine. Child birth? Piece of cake. Walking on a broken foot? A day at the beach. Getting a concussion from being thrown off a horse? A walk in the park. Seriously. These migraines rule my life. I've missed more important events, holidays and parts of life than I can even begin to tell you. I hate it.

Finally, on Wednesday of last week, I couldn't take it anymore. After spending more than an hour dry-heaving in the bathroom at MM's, I checked my stash of meds that I keep in my purse and saw that I had 3 Advil Migraine's, 10 Migraine pills (I take Fiorinal, a barbituate) and 6 800mg prescription Tylenol with codeine. I contemplated taking all of them for about ten minutes - yes, much longer than I should have, I realize this - and settled for 2 Advil, 1 Tylenol and 1 Migraine Pill. Probably I shouldn't have taken all of those at once, but I was done hurting and being sick from the pain. I knocked out on the couch for a little bit and then went to bed.

The next morning I woke up feeling great. Better than great, actually. For the first time in a week I felt normal. Not residual pain. No nausea. I was a little bit tired - a side effect of a week of no sleep and the pain meds - but otherwise I was good to go.

Until the next morning. Yep, sure as shit, my freakin headache came back with a vengeance. So far I've been able to manage it, but it's like a bomb waiting to go off: I don't know when it's going to detonate, but when it does, I'm going to be blown apart. Before that happens I need one of three things to happen: I need to be decapitated. I need a really, really good massage to work all the kinks out of my neck and shoulders and allow me to relax, or I need some really, really good drugs that will take care of the pain for good. Anyone willing to help me out with one of the three?

Moving: I transferred the rest of the deposit for my new house yesterday and picked up the keys. I've barely started packing and don't know when I'll get around to doing it. I'm beyond stressed at this point for several reasons. The first? I have no one to help me move or pack. MM has to work, DW and DQ just flat out refused. My brother lives in Utah. My pops said he'd help some, but with his busy schedule and lazy-ass attitude, I'm not expecting much. I have no idea how I'm going to pack, load, unload and unpack a three bedroom house by myself. None what-so-ever. The Second? My headache won't go away! The third? I'm a lazy, procrastinator. Yes, I admit it. I'm lazy and I leave errrrthing to the last minute. I hate that about myself. *sigh* Anyone willing to book the Thunder From Down Under for my personal, exclusive use? Watching them lift heavy furniture without shirts on would go a long way towards relieving my stress and my migraine, I bet. Come on, be a sport. You know you want to.

MM: I'm a bit irritated at MM lately. It's more my fault than his, but I just can't seem to help myself. I hate to say this about myself, but I'm a needy, whiny bitch. I need comfort and support and compassion and I need to be wrapped up and taken care of. No, I don't like this about myself. I'm a strong, independent woman....most of the time. But right now, I just need someone to take care of me. I need a pair of strong shoulders to lean on and someone to take care of all the little details I don't want to deal with right now. Unfortunately, MM isn't offering me what I need. He's working 6 days a week from 6 p.m to 6 a.m and sleeping when he's not at work. As he should. It's not his fault that I've turned into a basket case. But a person can't help how she feels. Or I can't. Someone willing to call MM and tell him I need a shoulder to cry on, a nice candlelit dinner, some roses and the gift of movers? Preferably in the from of the Thunder From Down Under.....

Ok, I'm better now. Thanks for letting me vent.


Isabel said...

As for MM, you should tell him Joey treated me to somethng romantic. Would that light a fire under his butt?

As for moving, damn sweetie, if I lived down there, you know i'd be helping as much as I could.

The migraine, I wish it would go away and leave you in peace. I honestly don't know how you do it.

Dylan said...

Hmmm, sweetie I'm sorry you've been swamped with everything under the sun as well as battling your migraines! You want me to call MM? Because I totally will...let me know.

Joanna said...

*hugs* Poor Holly, I hope you feel better soon. If I was closer I'd help ya!

Holly said...

I think I just needed to bitch about it for a minute, because I'm feeling better already. LOL

As for the MM thing, I'll deal with it. I'm just feeling...blah lately. That's not really his fault, you know? And perversely, if he DID handle everything for me, I'd probably get all pissy with him. ha ha Poor guy can't win for losin, can he?

Moment said...

I know all too well about migraines. I'm sorry you feel bad. hopefully getting this all out will help.

Mailyn said...

dude my mom and my best friend's mom both suffer from migraines as well. thank god mom hasn't had one in years. but I know they can be horrible. I wish you'd get better soon.

I don't think you are whiny or needy, even independent people need a shoulder to lean on once in a while and it doesn't mean you are a nutcase. we can't be superwoman 24/7!

I think maybe you should tell MM you need him right now. yes he has to work but so what? if you are in a relationship he should be able to be uncomfortable for lack of sleep or whatnot once in a while, as I'm sure you would as well.

through good times and bad times remember? ;)

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