Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Tales of the Devil Woman: Episode 5

I'm directionally challenged. If I don't have printed instructions with pictures to tell me how to get somewhere, it's pretty much a guarantee that I'm going to get lost. I'm fabulous at following a map or written instructions, but otherwise, I'm screwed.

I'm pretty sure this is a genetic flaw that I inherrited from the Devil Woman. It's impossible to go somewhere with her (even if she's been there before) and not end up lost. The two of us together is just plain scary!

We can't travel together and not argue, either.

Two years ago we went to the beach over some holiday weekend (I can't remember which one it was). We didn't reserve a camp site beforehand (pre-planning is practically a sin in our family) and we drove around for three hours (basically in circles) while we argued about which way to go and the general area we were supposed to be in.

My nephew was with us (he's my nephew by marriage, four years younger than I am). After a particularily heated debate between the Devil Woman and myself (It went something like this: Me: Dammit DW, I TOLD you we needed to turn the other way. DW: Shut the hell up. I know we're supposed to go this way. Me: WTF? We already went this way twice. DW: Watch out for that truck. Dammit, pay attention when you're driving. Me: I saw the damn truck. Quit side-seat driving. Do you want to drive? Because I'll pull this car over right now. DW: Hell no I don't want to drive. I just want you to pay attention. And so on and so forth. Of course, the entire time, Italian hand gestures were flying) and I turn to him - he's in the backseat between the two kids and burried under mountains of beach gear - and say "You'll want to pay attention to this for when you get married. That way you'll know what not to do when you and your wife go somewhere." To which he replied, "Like hell. After spending three hours in the car with you two I'm never getting married."

The Devil Woman and Spawn: Ruining men for women all over the country.

So, as the summer months approach and we get ready for our road-trip season, I caution all of you California drivers: Beware. The Devil Woman may be on the road.

Even worse, I may be with her.

6 comments:

Isabel said...

Oh my god, that is hilarious! I'm the same way though. I need clear directions otherwise I get lost very easly. If you can give me landmarks, bonus points.

Grace said...

LOL, I think we're all part of the directionally challenged club.

Gosh, I can TOTALLY imagine that scene between you, Doe, Matt and the kids. I'm still busting up over it! Too funny!

Dylan said...

I follow directions good, speak for yourself Grace! LMAO. hehe....gosh I love Devil Mom!

Holly said...

You might follow directions good, but you sure as heck can't GIVE directions good!

Grace said...

Hey..LOL. I can follow directions. I just need every single direction available to make sure I get to the right place. LMAO.

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